'Great Wall Of Calais' And 17 Horrifying Alternatives (As Suggested By The Public)

Guns, landmines and piranhas. And that's just for starters.
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The UK appears to have taken inspiration from Donald Trump with the announcement a “great wall” is to be built in Calais to prevent refugees and migrants reaching our shores.

Costing £1.9m, the structure will be four-metres (13ft) high, one-kilometre long and made of smooth concrete, theoretically making it impossible to scale.

The wall will stretch either side of the ferry port’s main dual-carriageway approach road where those seeking to reach Britain attempt to climb aboard lorries passing through.

Despite this, some people think this isn’t going far enough, and have been quick to offer up alternative “improvements”...

1) Guns and landmines

@DailyMailUK Will it have gun towers? Please

— Je suis English. (@bignick47) September 7, 2016

@Daily_Express great news and man it with gunning positions as well. #calaisjungle #calais #calaiswall #greatwall

— Guy busby (@busby80) September 7, 2016

@pointlessprayer @SkyNews Some landmines around it would also help!

— John Backer (@backer_jason) September 7, 2016

2) Piranha-filled moat

@DailyMailUK @AveEuropa Hopefully with machine gun emplacements, a moat filled with piranhas and electrified fences of 200 mA.

— Leofric ✋ (@WarriorOfWoden) September 7, 2016

3) Assume migrants are as terrifying as a T-Rex

4) The army (in chainsaw resistant armour)

@lorrylawyer @DailyMailUK exactly! They already have chainsaws! How the hell did they get those?! The army needs to go in. Asap.

— Jane (@JustJaneUK) September 7, 2016

5) Target them before they even get to Calais

The Great Wall of Calais won't work. What will work is shooting refugee boats as they cross over.

But do we want to go full blown Aussie?

— Christy Cree (@CrinklyCree) September 7, 2016

6) Bring back national service

7) Top it off with complaints

Leftist objections to the Great Wall of Calais only make the wall another foot taller. So carry on. 😃😃

— Nationalist UK (@Nationalist_UK) September 7, 2016

8) Extend it all the way from Spain to Norway

@DailyMailUK @MailOnline they will just go round it or move elsewhere so doesn't stop the problem

— Marea Salter (@SalterMarea) September 7, 2016

9) Stay indoors, watch BBC 3 and pretend nothing is happening

someone tell them to stop spending money on the great wall of calais and start funding the bbc so i don't have to pay for catch up tv

— trash (@nevtime) September 7, 2016

10) Sod it, let’s just invade France

Really rather hoping The Great Wall of Calais is simply the first step in a stealthy plan to re-take Calais!

— Henry Tudor (@KngHnryVIII) September 7, 2016

OK, this one is a satirical account but if Henry VIII did have a Twitter account he would definitely say this. Probably...

11) Dig a huge trench and fill it with water

The Great Wall of Calais will not be enough. We should dig a giant trench between France and the UK, 20 miles across, and fill it with water

— Hani Latif (@kinghani) September 7, 2016

... very clever, we see what you did there.

12) Ditch booze cruises and start taking your summer vacations to the next level

@DailyMailUK Good, they need to contain it as well. I would rather take a stroll though Mogadishu at midnight than that place.

— hey matey (@mystepdadsson) September 7, 2016

13) Think inside the box

@DailyMailUK > Since u eagerly want to adopt them to ur MULTICULTURALISM, why contain them in the BIG BOX ? Idiots hv realize their idiocy ?

— Nicolas Lin (@nicolaslkh) September 7, 2016

14) Wire. Lots and lots of wire. Oh, and the army again

@DailyMailUK needs to be longer, topped with barbed wire. Army needs to go in until the camp is torn down, and the filth deported.

— Jane (@JustJaneUK) September 7, 2016

15) Run them over

@Telegraph @TelegraphNews just run them over, plow through the lot, soon stop them from blocking Road and trying to brake into vehicles!

— George Roberts⚒ (@G_pSmurf) September 7, 2016

16) Ban ladders

17) And if all else fails...

@DailyMailUK All this will do is make them invaders move to a new staging post where they'll sneak onto vehicles from.
NUKE THE CAMP!

— AveEuropa (@AveEuropa) September 7, 2016

Construction of the four-metre high, one-kilometre long concrete structure will begin this month, immigration minister Robert Goodwill told MPs on Tuesday, with the project costing £1.9m.

The wall has been dubbed the “Great Wall of Calais”.

Great Wall of Calais? Well, yeah, because, historically, building a wall has solved everything...

— Fuad Alakbarov (@DrAlakbarov) September 7, 2016

The plan has already attracted criticism.

French aid worker, François Guennoc told the Guardian: “This wall is the latest extension to kilometres of fencing and security surveillance already in place. It will just result in people going further to get round it.

“When you put walls up anywhere in the world, people find ways to go round them.

“It’s a waste of money. It could make it more dangerous for people, it will push up tariffs for people smugglers and people will end up taking more risks.”

Reassuringly, most people have seen through the rhetoric and have pointed out some possible problems with building a wall.

Why the heck does everyone want to build walls? Humanity has spent centuries tearing them down... Say no to the Great Wall of Calais.

— Shenny D (@shenny_d) September 7, 2016

Great Wall of Calais > Isn't it time we created a🌎fair for all! "When you have more than you need, build a longer table not a higher fence"

— Lee Thumwood (@LT14GJC) September 7, 2016

Congratulations, Great Wall of Calais! You are this year's 500th genuine news item that is indistinguishable from satire! #SwiftAwards2016

— Richard Littler (@richard_littler) September 7, 2016

The Road Haulage Association, who represents the drivers whose lorries are targeted by migrants, is skeptical of the plan, arguing a better alternative would be to step up security on the approach roads to Calais.

A spokesperson for the group said: “It is imperative that the money to pay for a wall would be much better spent on increasing security along approach roads.”

To be fair, a Great Wall of Calais would significantly improve the list of local attractions.

— Alastair Jamieson (@alastairjam) September 7, 2016

The main road to the port was brought to a grinding halt on Monday by at least 60 trucks and 100 tractors, as hundreds of vehicles staged a huge ‘go-slow’protest meaning any traffic coming from the UK found it “almost impossible” to leave Calais.

The demonstration, named ‘Operation Escagot’ or Operation Snail, has been called the “nuclear red button” for drivers protesting about the Calais migrant camp known as The Jungle.

The planned wall is part of a joint £17m deal between France and the UK.

Around 800 unaccompanied minors – are living in Calais.
UK gov's logic: let's build a Great Wall of Calais and so they can die...

— Fuad Alakbarov (@DrAlakbarov) September 7, 2016
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