Welcome once again to Tabloid Roundup, a hop, skip and a jump through the nation's less taxing newspapers.
With the eurozone safe for another week, why not relax as we dish out the awards for the week's most entertaining stories, from chubby children to Noddy and the Nazis.
Loudest high-five
Two staff writers at the Sun are the proud recipients of this award.
"Stories about paedophiles are always popular", one of them told us, "but when we found out our guy was also a Nazi, a high-five was inevitable. I may have caused permanent damage to my right hand, but it was worth it."
Best example of editorial judgement
This week the Star broached the issue of childhood obesity with rare maturity.
To spare the feelings of a real life fat kid, the editorial team decided to use a child model with "no feelings, and no real concept of how this might play out at school."
Allegations that the model was paid in Big Macs have been denied by the Star's legal team.
Most sensitive handling of a celebrity death
The Sun wins this award for its touching celebration of Amy Winehouse's final moments.
In a gallant attempt to rouse their grieving readers' spirits, it has partnered with Morrisons to offer them an opportunity to drown their sorrows (at a discount).
The offer has been prudently capped at six large bottles of Smirnoff per customer, so mourners should be prepared to queue up again at a separate till if necessary.
Best counter-counter protest
The award this week goes to the readers, not the staff, of the Daily Express.
Before pitching camp outside the house of one of the St Paul's protesters, it seems this greedy journalist couldn't wait to collect the tokens like everyone else, and has pilfered a travel flask from the Express warehouse.
In a daring counter-counter protest, a band of Express readers have set up camp opposite the journalist's London flat with placards reading: "GIVE US BACK OUR TRAVEL FLASK."
"Now see how he likes it", said the group's spokesman.
Best connected columnist
We would love to get to know the people we'd like to know, and Adam Helliker seems to know them all:
Most inquisitive Red Top
This week the Sunday Mirror asks the question that others simply daren't.
Apparently Johnny is filming a new episode of Who Do You Think You Are? to get to the bottom of this allegation 'once and for all'.
By the way
We couldn't say goodbye without leaving you with a snippet from our long time hero Peter Hill. This week, he threatens to personally hose down the protesters at the Occupy London movement, and spoil their party. We don't believe a word of it Peter, that twinkle in your eye tells a different story. Our guess is that inside of five minutes you'd be Morris dancing in your fireman's hat.
Seen a story you love? Tweet us at @samjudah and @jamesclayton5. If we like it, it'll make next week's post.