Jeremy Clarkson's statement about the N-word controversy, translated:
"Ordinarily, I don't respond to newspaper allegations - but on this occasion I feel I must make an exception.
"Ordinarily, I don't respond to newspaper allegations - but on this occasion my back's really against the wall.
A couple of years ago I recorded an item for Top Gear, in which I quote the rhyme "eeny, meeny, miny, moe".
A couple of years ago I recorded an item for Top Gear, in which I quote the rhyme "eeny, meeny, miny, moe"… you know how the rest goes.
Now of course, I was well aware that in the best-known version of this rhyme there is a racist expression that I was extremely keen to avoid.
Now of course, I was well aware that in my generation's version of this rhyme there is a racist expression that I was extremely keen to avoid, although not so keen that I avoided saying the rhyme altogether.
The full rushes show that I did three takes.
The full rushes show that I had three chances to realise that this was a really bad idea.
In two, I mumbled where the offensive word would normally occur.
In two, I mumbled the N-word part.
And in the third, I replaced it altogether with the word teacher.
And in the third, I replaced it altogether with the word teacher. Because I don't give a toss about offending teachers.
Now, when I viewed this footage several weeks later, I realised that in one of the mumbled versions - if you listen very carefully with the sound turned right up - it did appear that I'd actually used the word I was trying to obscure.
Now, when I viewed this footage several weeks later, I realised that in one of the mumbled versions - if you listen with the sound at normal levels - it did appear that I hadn't obscured the words as well as I'd hoped.
I was mortified by this, horrified.
I was mortified by this, and horrified when the footage was leaked.
It is a word I loathe and I did everything in my power to make sure that that version did not appear in the programme that was transmitted.
It is a word I loathe and I did everything in my power to make sure that that version never got out.
In fact, I have here the note that I sent at the time to the production office and it says: 'I didn't use the N-word here but I've just listened through my headphones and it sounds like I did. Is there another take that we could use?'
In fact, I have here the note I sent when I was bricking it at the time to the production office and it says: 'It sounds like I used the N-word here, possibly because I did. This can never go out. Can we use the 'teacher' take instead?
Please be assured, I did everything in my power to not use that word.
Please be assured, I did everything in my power to not use that word - except for not actually using a rhyme that includes it.
And as I'm sitting here, begging your forgiveness for the fact my efforts obviously weren't quite good enough.
And as I'm sitting here, begging the BBC's forgiveness for the fact my efforts obviously weren't quite good enough for them. Or you lot.
Thank you."
Screw you, Daily Mirror."