We love our children dearly, but getting into a car with them is like a stepping through the gates of hell. Something about a moving vehicle causes kids to do and say the most infuriating things, and because you're behind the wheel, you're powerless to stop it.
What kind of phrases annoy us the most? Let's raise our blood pressure and find out...
1. 'Are we there yet?'
Ah, this one never gets old. Usually delivered just before you put the key in the ignition.
2. 'Did you remember....? [insert name of treasured soft toy they can't live without]
Nope. You forgot it. And now you're going to have spend 7 nights in a holiday cottage in Bodmin with a wailing, sleepless child who misses Mrs Fluffy Softy Dog The Third.
3. 'I need to go to the loo.'
Ten minutes ago, just before the services, you asked them if they needed to the toilet and they swore they didn't. In fact, they couldn't believe you'd ask such a thing. Now, all of a sudden, they're desperate - and you're stuck in a three hour hold up on the M6.
4. 'I'm NOT kicking the seat'
Yes you ARE. You have been doing it since you were born.
5. 'Mummy, you HAVE to look at this now! It's amazing! PLEEEEAASE! LOOK AT IT NOW!'
Usually said when you're driving on a tricky, winding bit of road next to a ravine. (And when you dare to look at it, it turns out to be a bogey.)
6. He started it!' 'No SHE did!' 'Mum he's on MY side of the car!' 'No it's MY SIDE!'
The pettiest, most unpredictable sibling arguments happen in the backseat of a car. Meanwhile you have to transform into a cross between Jensen Button and Judge Judy. Exhausting.
7. 'I'm hungry!'
Even though they've eaten two cheese strings, a sandwich, a banana and a yoghurt and it's not even 11 o'clock. Could it have something to do with the golden arches of a certain fast food restaurant up ahead?
8. 'Can I open the window?'
What is it with children's obsession with opening car windows? At first, it doesn't seem like an unreasonable request, but then they start sticking their heads out like dogs. (In the fast lane, as lorries whizz by.)
9. 'I'm going to be sick.'
GREAT! That's exactly what this car is missing – vomit.
10. I've dropped my toy on the floor.'
That toy was the only thing keeping them quiet. They have dropped it in the footwell behind your seat. You do not have telescopic arms. Disaster.
11. 'I want to get out.'
OK, we'll just leave you on the hard shoulder next to this hungry looking crow, then.
12. 'I'm bored.'
We're all bored. Life is boring. Now look out of the window and count pylons.
13. 'The Wheels on the Bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...'
Do certain songs really get on your nerves? Whatever song you absolutely can't stand, your kids will magically start bellowing it as soon as you get into the car.
14. 'Are we there yet?'
NO.
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