Efia Sulter never planned to travel solo – but three weeks before she was due to go to Australia for a year, her travelling companion pulled out. “I was utterly devastated,” the digital marketer and blogger explains. “I was just about to graduate from my Masters, I’d already paid off my flights, given up my apartment and told everyone I was going. All I could think was: ‘What am I going to do with my life now?’.”
The answer? Beat the intense FOMO by forcing herself to go on her own –making sure she read up as much as she could beforehand.
“It really was just taking tiny little steps until that big leap felt less scary,” says Sulter, who has since travelled to Thailand, Vietnam, the Philippines, Indonesia, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, LA and Hawaii. She can still feel apprehensive before making a trip on her own, she admits: “I’d say even now I still experience some of those nerves, but I live for the anticipation of what could happen.”
But Sulter, who is from Glasgow, is not alone in embracing solo travel: the number of women choosing to travel by themselves has more than doubled (+88%) in just four years, according to a survey of 5,000 people by Hostelworld.
“The only thing more scary than going was the idea of not going at all.”
- Efia Sulter
“Working up the courage to go was terrifying,” she admits. “[But] the only thing more scary than going was the idea of not going at all and another year having passed. That was what fuelled me all the way to the airport.”
Sulter had also been struggling with anxiety – before she left to travel, there were days when she couldn’t even leave the house. “I remember my flatmate asking me: ‘What happens if you have a panic attack abroad? What will you do then?’” She also worried relentlessly in the lead-up to departure about how she’d cope if something went wrong, how she’d make friends, or what would she talk to people about.
But within 10 minutes of arriving at her first hostel in Thailand (Sulter had factored in time to explore south east Asia before heading to Australia), she’d already made her first friend. “99% of the time the things you’re afraid of never happen – and if they do, you’d be surprised how well you deal with it,” she says.
If you’re overwhelmed with doubts about whether you should go, one way of making the leap is to commit to your trip by booking a flight or arranging a visa. “That way it’s harder to go back on your word to yourself,” Sulter advises. But do also leave yourself some wriggle room in your itinerary. “Allow for some flexibility because you’ll be amazed by how many people you’ll meet and the different paths that can take you down if you’re open,” she says.
‘I went to Lisbon alone for my 40th.’
Jo Middleton had her first daughter when she was 17, and as a lone parent, didn’t have much opportunity to travel until her mid-thirties, when her two children were a bit older and she had a bit more disposable income. “I knew I couldn’t jet off for a two-week beach holiday or anything, but I really wanted to have a go at just doing something without two kids in tow,” she says.
So at 34, she took her first solo trip to Amsterdam, just for three days. “It was a revelation to discover I could literally do whatever I wanted, the whole time,” she says. She went to the Van Gogh Museum, visited only the paintings she wanted to see – then left. It was liberating. There were bits she enjoyed less – like eating out alone in the evening – but Middleton found ways to make those work for her; in this case, deciding to eat breakfast and lunch out, then have a sandwich in her hotel room at night.
[Read More: Table For One: The Unexpected Joy Of Dining Alone]
On her 40th birthday, Middleton whisked herself away to Lisbon. “I had this list of 40 things I wanted to do before I was 40 and one of them was to visit Pena Palace in Sintra, near Portugal,” she recalls. “I just went for a couple of days, booked a random Airbnb and ticked off a mammoth list of things.”
According to Mintel’s 2018 Solo Traveller Report, 17% of adults have taken a holiday on their own in the past five years – for Middleton, those trips have included visits to Spain, France, Croatia, Ethiopia, Vietnam and Sweden.
“It was a revelation to discover I could literally do whatever I wanted, the whole time.”
- Jo Middleton
“I always feel at my least confident when I don’t really know where I’m going or what I’m doing, so it might help to plan an itinerary in advance,” says the 41-year-old writer from Somerset, who admits that the idea of solo travel was nerve-racking to begin with.“It doesn’t have to be minute by minute itinerary or anything, but just having a list of places you definitely want to see can give you a bit of focus when you’re feeling lost.
“Enjoy it though. Enjoy the freedom of not having to think about other people for a change.”
‘The biggest challenge was finding accommodation suitable for lone travellers.’
For Jenni Lai, 26, confidence was never an issue when it came to travelling alone because she regularly took solo trips from London to see family in Hong Kong. And because her relatives would often be working, she got used to exploring the bustling city without any company.
The first time Lai properly went travelling alone, she used a trip to Malaysia to attend her cousin’s wedding as a springboard to a longer holiday. “I never took a gap year or spent a summer travelling during or after university so this was my chance to do that compact-style,” she explains.
Eager to explore new cities and cultures, Lai went from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, and Chiang Mai in Thailand. The prospect of dining alone in restaurants made her a bit uncomfortable, but in hindsight she needn’t have worried.
“The biggest challenge for me was finding accommodation that was suitable for lone travellers, particularly females,” says Lai, who works in PR. “I used Hostelworld to find places to stay, compared reviews and prices to locate my ideal hostel.”
In fact, her advice for first-time female travellers is to give hostels a go. “People have a perception that they’re creepy or dirty but actually, most are sanitary, and even cleaner than local hotels,” she says. “It’s a great way to travel cheaply and meet new people.”
‘It gave me the biggest buzz knowing I was going to be entirely self-reliant.’
For some women, huge changes in circumstance have led to the decision to travel alone. When Amber Badger’s long-term relationship ended, she took a moment to reassess her life: she was living in a city she’d outgrown, in a job she didn’t want to do. “I remember going to the cinema with my friend and one of the adverts was for this god-awful film Hector and the Search for Happiness, which apparently was about a guy upping sticks and travelling the world,” she recalls. “In that moment I decided I was going to make a positive change and turn this awful situation into something exciting.”
Initially she departed Southampton to stay in Florence, Italy, and what was meant to be a three-month trip turned into a year abroad. There the then 23-year-old landed an international marketing role, which enabled her to travel to Rome, Verona, Bologna and Siena on the weekends.
Solo travel is popular among millennials like Badger – more than half (58%) of millennials worldwide are willing to travel alone, compared to 47% of older generations, according to a 2017 Princeton Survey Research Associates study.
The trip was incredible, says Badger, who is now 27, despite a tricky first month when it was difficult to meet new people because of the language barrier. “But then I fell in with a group of expats who quickly became my family,” she says. “I started to pick up freelance work which meant I could travel even more regularly, and I made the decision to stay longer. ”
“When I realised how strong I actually was, it almost felt like it was my duty to push myself even further.”
- Amber Badger
For Badger, the break-up was just what she needed to push her out of her comfort zone. “There were times in the lead-up I’d have serious panics, but overall it actually gave me the biggest buzz knowing that I was going to be entirely self-reliant and whatever I wanted to do, wherever I wanted to be, was entirely my choice.”
She urges people not to listen to those who say it’s not safe or too difficult for women to travel alone. “You meet so many more people as a solo traveller because you actually open yourself up to totally new experiences and aren’t cocooned by your travel buddy.” That said, being careful is important. “I would always get friendly with pretty much everyone in my [hostel] room so I would feel a little more like people had my back,” she adds. “And don’t put yourself in dangerous positions – ie. alone at night in non-busy places.”
‘My first solo trip was inspired by the break-up of my marriage.’
After the breakdown of her marriage, Ingred Thomas realised that she had never travelled on her own; she’d been waiting for her husband or friends to be free to join her. “My newly gained sense of freedom led me to a ‘what the hell’ kind of bravado,” she explains.
So at 48, she went on her first solo adventure to Brussels for a long weekend. While she was nervous in the run-up, her sister, who had travelled alone in the past, was on hand to ease her concerns – “she gave me lots of tips about eating out, where to be seated in restaurants, talking to strange men,” laughs Thomas, who has since travelled solo to Thailand, Cambodia, Jamaica, Italy, France and Spain.
The now retired NHS associate director did plenty of research in the run up to her trip but still wondered how she would be received as a black woman travelling solo. Earlier this year HuffPost UK spoke to a number of black travellers who said incidences of racial discrimination abroad, and even abuse and attacks, are sadly not rare.
But Thomas found she didn’t have many problems. “It was simply amazing,” she says. “I wondered around on my own and went to dinner and a jazz club alone. The sense of freedom was incredible. I could get up when I wanted to, no negotiating itinerary, eating when and where I wanted to.”
She found people were generally helpful. “The only thing I’ve experienced to date is being constantly asked to have my photo taken, and even more intrusive is the touching of my hair and occasionally skin,” she says. Sometimes people do ask, and that can be OK as it opens up a dialogue. But it’s irritating when they don’t – although Thomas notes she’s more accepting of children doing it.
‘Be aware of potential dangers – it’s easy to feel invincible when abroad and enjoying your time.’
After a rough few years and a terrible first year at university, Alexandra Hepple, then 19, felt like she had nothing to lose. Without much money, she decided to go abroad for the summer, working as an au pair for a family in rural Spain.
The days were long, she notes, especially as she had to care for – and teach English to – three children ranging from one to seven. It was, however, incredibly rewarding. “To be immersed in the day-to-day life of a Spanish family was brilliant,” she says. “I didn’t feel like such a tourist and could get a sense of the country and what life was like to live there.”
After a six-week stint as an au pair, Hepple went travelling and explored Madrid, Valencia and Barcelona. She stayed in hostels, met other tourists and drank a lot of red wine, she says. She’s since travelled to Denmark, Italy, Hungary, Sweden, Norway and Finland.
“I had real stomach-dropping fear on the plane, about 10 minutes before landing in Madrid.”
- Ali Hepple
“I’m so glad I didn’t let any initial fear, which could have been fostered, take over,” she says. “I had real stomach-dropping fear on the plane, about 10 minutes before landing in Madrid. But I overcame it because I had to. I was already on the plane and there was no turning back.”
Among Gen-Z (those aged 16-24 years old) travel is a huge priority – and many have no qualms about going it alone. According to research from Booking.com, more than half (54%) of Gen Z in the UK think travel is always worth spending money on. In fact, travelling and seeing the world is more important when it comes to spending their money than saving for a property. If cost is a barrier, Hepple advises first-timers to check out platforms like Work Away or WWOOF.
She also shares an important warning about safety. “There have been times where my safety has been compromised when travelling solo,” she says. “So if you can, try to make a trusted friend in your hostel dorm or with reception staff in the hotel you stay in.”
She also recommends saving local emergency contacts into your phone such as police, ambulance, and taxi companies with a good rating, as well as carrying an alarm. “Keep aware of potential dangers as you would at home – it’s easy to feel invincible when abroad and enjoying your time,” she says. “The safety element doesn’t need to be at the forefront of your mind, but just make sure you have back-up help where possible.”