Dear Depression,
Depression I actually don't want to speak to you today but I will.
You think you can live rent free in my head and at times maybe you do but I am fighting and retaliating against you the best that I possibly can.
I wish you could speak back to me because you have a lot to answer for, not just to me but to billions of other people too.
Why follow me around like a shadow, get into my head and consume all of my thoughts? You very selfishly try to drag me down but why try and be greedy by taking my brain as a possession for yourself? WHY? WHY? WHY?
Can't you leave me alone at some point and stop telling me to do things to myself when I am at my very lowest? As the saying goes; Why kick a dog when it's down? At some point I'm going to ignore you so I don't know why you don't just go away and never come back. Damn you.
When I innocently go about my day like when I'm washing up, writing, going to the gym, driving, on the phone or even socialising with friends you are all over me like a rash. You want all of, and not just part of me. How greedy can you get? You're a nightmare come true. You're torturous and I hate you and I have missed days if not weeks because of you.
You don't just burden me but you burden other people too, but why? Why do you want to give us so much grief, laden us with so much worry and upset that I once over wanted to take my own life many years ago? You will never drag me down that far again. Don't you think it's enough feeling like we have a noose around our necks anyway? Oh depression how I do hate you. You have made my life a misery at times, far from that of experiencing hypomania.
I take my depression out on other people because you upset me. It's not their fault and I don't mean to. Although they know of my diagnosis they have still had enough of the way I react because of you.
Why do you hate me and want to see me suffer, sometimes even in silence? Depression just for now stay with me. I will make sure I do my best to make sure you aren't around for long. I'm going to retaliate against you like I am doing now.
People that have you are sometimes portrayed to be miserable, boring and unsociable and that is because of you. Do you feel good knowing that is how you make all of us feel?
I am asked what my definition of depression is. I can explain a little but I don't have a week to talk about you because you're so diverse it can affect people in different ways and mainly because you aren't worth it.
The media glamorises bipolar disorder and other mental health conditions like you which is wrong. Most of society has no idea what it's like. Depression I don't choose to wear you around my neck like a piece of jewellery, you are like a noose to me as where jewellery isn't. This isn't a lifestyle choice for me, it's not funny and the side effects that it can have on us innocent people can be that of utterly devastating. You are cruel because you have even hospitalised some of us. I hope that I won't ever be one of them.
I'm going to carry on destroying you just like you nearly once did to me; I shall ignore you and carry on living my life to the full. You'll no longer be a hinderance or try to send me insane as it won't work. You can live on the dark side of the moon, so crawl into your black hole where you came from but not with me so enjoy being in tears on your lonesome as I will not be with you by your side anymore in our what once was our blanket fort. Why should I?
I have you but you won't have me. No more controlling and conditioning. I will not let you affect my life so much that you give me intense blinding headaches that when people speak their words ring in my ears. My concentration will be clearer as a result. I say "NO MORE!"
My behaviour towards others will get better as a result and before long you won't be able to live rent free in my head. Get up and move out.
Moreover my physical side effects will improve as a result. I am battling against you as best as I can and I will win the battle and the war.
In fact I've been winning for a while.
Thank you kindly,
From Sharon.
Facebook: Sharon Sutton
Facebook: Me, Bipolar & I
Twitter: @mebipolarandi
Web: www.mebipolarandi.com