Black Friday: Britain Has Rounded Off 2016 By F*cking It Up For Everyone

It’s Black Friday.

Around the world people are engaging in that most festive of traditions by viciously fighting amongst themselves to save £20 off a TV slightly bigger than the one they punched someone in the face for last year.

Just look at these Brazilians, it’s glorious.

This American bought so much her only hope is a family member buys her a prosthetic hand to replace the one she sacrificed to carry 75 kilos of crap all the way home.

This store in Florida dispensed with credit and allowed punters to trade their kids for electrical items (btw, of course they didn’t)

This is how they enter stores on Black Friday in California - waving a map with your cash strapped to your waist.

Second-hand stores get in on Black Friday in Japan where this highly popular sale of used underwear requires specialist equipment.

This US family has bought everything necessary to not even go home for Christmas, instead decamping themselves in the store. Just out of shot is their dog, wrapped in glitter and dragging the family’s Aga on a sleigh. 

And what do we do?  

This. Amongst a population of 2.55 million, only one Mancunian in the whole city had the decency to queue outside Tesco Extra for first dibs taking a PS4 from the hands of a granny just looking to treat her grandkids one last time.

Don’t let the smile deceive you, this lone shopper in Oxford Street is secretly devastated she had a clear and unobstructed run to the tills.

These chancers in Enfield betray all Black Friday tradition by cooperating when the correct course of action would have been to rob that copper of his CS spray and truncheon and fight to the death for the honour of watching 49 inches of LCD glory.

RUN GODDAMMIT!!!

This is Selfridges in Manchester where attempts to make the store look busy took a ridiculous turn.

Here, a desperate Bristol man can be seen phoning the talking clock to ask if it wants a fight. 

This gent was found in Surrey Quays, walking in circles and elbowing imaginary punters whilst muttering about half-price knuckledusters. 

Sainsbury’s in Harringay resorted to a live demonstration of how shopping trollies work.

Later they added a man. Look at that posture - classic Black Friday nonchalance. This is how you win at shopping.

What. The. Bejeezus. Is. This?

The back of this shirt reads: ‘You’re a traitor to tradition.’

More infuriatingly depressing pictures as we get them...