It’s that special time of year again. No, not Christmas, the boxing day sales.
The time when we can buy all the things Father Christmas forgot to get us the day before, to cement being broke for the rest of January.
Here are the 14 things you need to know to be a winner and not end up bruised and empty-handed.
1. Make a list of things to buy before you go.
This is time for peak organisation.
2. Then you can head straight to the things you want.
And not get swept up in the crowd.
3. You will need elbows out.
This is no time for being polite and British.
4. Only take a small handbag.
You need all the hands you can get.
5. Take a second human with you.
You need someone to carry your shopping bags.
6. But not a person who will want to chat.
Get out of here you amateur.
7. Turn off your phone too.
You don’t need that distraction.
8. Know you won’t be first in the queue.
Make peace with the fact, unless you’re willing to camp overnight.
9. And don’t camp overnight.
24 hours in a sleeping bag does not maketh a winner.
10. Only buy things you would consider buying full price.
Your mum was right about this one.
11. You don’t have to buy everything.
Really.
12. Especially not random impulse purchases.
Shoppers regret will ensue.
13. Maintain some spending limits.
Cheap doesn’t mean free.
14. Resist temptation to become feral.
No handbag is worth losing an eye.