Breaking relationship habits, routines and patterns can be difficult. Sometimes it can feel like you are going one step forward and two steps back when you’re figuring things out.
But, as we enter 2023, we refuse to take bad dating with us – so what can be done to stop us falling into the same cycle over and over again?
According to relationship expert Ness Cooper, who’s partnered up with Lovehoney, if you keep finding your relationships going in the same negative direction, it’s time to assess and address some of your ‘dating scripts’.
Cooper says that “dating scripts are relationship habits, routines and patterns we find ourselves repeating – even when dating someone new,” and managing to move past them is crucial to breaking a cycle of relationships.
How do we know if we’re following a ‘dating script’?
Cooper has shared four steps to recognising when your relationship is following negative patterns and habits so you can work to break them.
- Recognise where in your relationships your behaviour has regularly gone wrong or even worked against you.
- Work out if your relationship ‘script’ is based on other people’s expectations, and if so, work out how you yourself would like your future relationships to form.
- Set new relationship script goals for future or current relationships. For example, are you hoping to avoid a particular toxic personality with your next partner?
- Make small changes towards these goals. If you’re still finding yourself in a cycle of negative relationship patterns, don’t beat yourself up about it and try something else.
It can be hard work, but learning how to break a dating script can seriously benefit your relationship and positively impact your dating life.
“Breaking dating scripts can help couples move forwards rather than get stuck at a certain stage, or end suddenly,” explains Cooper.
“The breaking of dating scripts is something many couples go through without realising, and the skills they develop during the repair and forming of a new script are often used positively later on when relational issues arise.”