I am bored to tears with how climate change is being portrayed in the media. We - the public - are routinely subjected to commentary that is abstract, dull and, all too frequently, delivered by sandaled individuals who it would be unthinkable for me to introduce to my parents. And yes, that does mean that 50% of my friendship group will sadly never receive an invitation to visit my family home and meet Rufus, our Golden Retriever.
However, the most infuriating characteristic shared by climate change advocates is that they always seem so terribly smug. The thought of world catastrophe, rather than stultifying these individuals, seems to positively animate them. They appear to relish nothing more than assembling in large groups, sagely stroking their beards and energetically concurring with one another that humankind stands on the precipice of disaster. But as Michel de Montainge once said:
"There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees."
If disagreement does exist, it is usually confined to woefully disappointing climate change conventions, such as the annual Conference of Parties (COP). Indeed, it was last month's COP in Warsaw that provided further proof that our governments are hell-bent on subverting attempts to reach a consensus on how we should manage our carbon impact.
So, if both politicians and environmentalists can't be relied upon to fight climate change, what can WE do? Well, firstly, we don't have to stick to the staid apocalyptic narrative that goes hand-in-hand with predictions of rises in global temperatures - and frankly, there are few scenarios more depressing than being left alone on a makeshift catamaran with Kevin Costner in Waterworld.
I ardently believe that we can collectively flex our imaginations and forge new narratives - narratives that don't make us reach for our fathers' service revolvers or suffer narcoleptic fits of boredom. That's not to say that we should trivialise the threat of climate change; it's just that, when there is so much doom-mongering in the press, it's hard not to become anesthetised to the issues involved.
I suppose it is easy for me to criticise from the comfort of my Huffington tower. We all know that it requires less effort to pinpoint problems than to conjure solutions. Therefore, at this juncture, let me declare an interest in writing this blog. You see, I recently decided to put my money where my mouth is and embark on my own quest to communicate climate change differently.
It all began one evening in a pub - the breeding ground of the best and worst ideas in human history. After a few too many craft beers in the The Queen's Head near King's Cross, I deftly managed to persuade a film-maker and an actor to help me create a short film.
And so the Climate Gentleman was born.
To us, he represents a new kind of ambassador for climate change - a conscientious toff in a sea of bigoted hippies. Granted, Climate Gentleman can't save the planet through fine tailoring alone, but the point is this: if enough of us explore new methods of communication, we may just be able to rally the masses to the cause of climate change. Current campaigners shouldn't be surprised when they fail to attract new followers by churning out the same turgid rhetoric they have been spouting for years.
We are in desperate need of new voices, and one of those voices could be you. Try to picture people from all over the world, talking about climate change with their own unique perspectives - perspectives that are sometimes fun, sometimes serious, but never ever boring.
It is the prospect of this that makes me want to raise my glass and, in the slightly slurred, clipped tones of Climate Gentleman, hubristically say:
"Let's drink [sustainably] with the world; not from it."
Chin chin!