It’s a date that’s become synonymous with Brexit – and all that strife – but Friday 29 March is also a day with massive cause for celebration – as it’s the five year anniversary of the first same-sex wedding in the UK.
The Same Sex Couples Act, which passed in parliament in July 2013, afforded gay couples in England and Wales the same right to marry as their heterosexual counterparts for the first time (rather than simply offering a civil partnership). Scotland passed a similar law six months later. Northern Ireland is still waiting.
The first same-sex marriages followed on 29 March 2014, five years ago today – marking the start of a year that would see 15,000 of them. The latest stats (which only take into account marriages until 2016) show that around 30,000 marriages have taken place since the change in the law.
Below, five happy couples who have married in that time tell us all about their big day and what their marriage means to them.
Dougie, 29 & Paul, 30
Dougie Robertson and Paul Renteurs were married on 25 February 2017 at Islington town hall, London.
Dougie: For me getting married was about saying I love Paul, and I want to spend my life with him – and also, with my activist hat on, it was very public expression of our relationship, which is quite important to me. I remember ringing up Tower Hamlets to register our intent to marry, and the person on the phone saying: “to a woman, I assume?”
I can never decide whether I would have gone for a civil partnership if that had been the only option, but I think probably I would have – and then defiantly referred to Paul as my husband regardless of the technical legal detail.
It was exciting but also felt very natural and normal. I know everyone says it, but it really was one of the happiest days of my life – having all our friends and family there – that was very special. Also seeing this project that we had spent so much time and energy (and money!) on, morph from Trello boards and spreadsheets into a real life event – that was quite satisfying.
I think the best bit for me was the journey between the wedding venue and the reception. We took a Routemaster bus and were able to speak to everyone, and have a bit of champagne. And there was a great moment during my speech where a bulb exploded at a particularly perfect dramatic cadence, which was exciting – maybe a departed relative trying to make themselves known.
Coming into the pub for the reception too, and seeing it all bedecked with the amazing flowers – that was quite special. At the very end of the day one of our friends bought us some Cristal, which was a nice way of winding down, a few of us still determinedly partying on.
Megan, 31 & Whitney, 30
Megan and Whitney Bacon-Evans got married on 28 September 2017 at the Avalon Hotel in Palm Springs, California.
Megan: When we first started dating, same-sex marriage wasn’t legal in the UK or USA, where Whitney is from, so we didn’t have much option. Now it’s available in both of our countries and it means a lot for our relationship to be recognised.
We got engaged in 2011 and decided to have an intimate ceremony for our civil partnership in September 2012. We wanted to save the wedding dresses and big party until we could have a marriage. As much as we loved our civil partnership, we didn’t like having to tick another section on the form that made us seem more ‘other’ than equal.
Our wedding day was truly the best day, and we honestly thought that was just a cliche! We had decided to go wedding dress shopping together so we kept our dresses a surprise from everyone else. It was lovely to be able to get ready together and then surprise our parents and bridal party. We wore matching Ted Baker dresses and heels – and confused the registrar as to who was who!
“We can now legally be seen as wife and wife, instead of just partners."”
The best part about the day was seeing all our closest family and friends from the UK and USA finally meet, and get on like a house on fire. Our 18 guests told us it was the most fun they had ever had at a wedding and the dance floor was a riot. The unlimited Moet champagne probably had something to do with that.
We all ended up in the pool at the end of the evening – even in our wedding gowns. It was also the first time that Whitney’s father, from a farm on Tennessee, had truly seen us as a couple. He proudly walked Whitney down the aisle and had a ball so that meant a lot. He also now wants to move to Palm Springs.
On Friday, we will raise a glass of champagne and toast a momentous occasion that many before us didn’t have the option to do so. We can now legally be seen as wife and wife, instead of just partners, which we love.
Dave, 40 & Drew, 37
Dave Leonard and Drew Holland got married on 18 December 2014 at Stoke Newington town hall, London.
Dave: Being born in the 70s and growing up in the 80s I never imagined that two men could be married and even though it’s quite normal now, thinking back to where we were in the past in terms of LGBTQ equality, it’s still pretty incredible. It still feels strange referring to Drew as my husband, especially when travelling, as different cultures react differently. However, for me it just feels normal and right.
I’d always wanted to wait till we could officially be married, but I also didn’t want to be that person that was continuously engaged. We decided the declaration was the most important thing for us, so we went ahead with a civil ceremony, with a view to converting it when full marriage became legal.
“We went in with the attitude that it’s just a celebration of love, friendship and family."”
My brother, who is straight, got married to his partner though they felt forced to because of the dated laws with inheritance tax. It was a formality they had to go through, but they longed for a civil partnership and not a marriage, so it’s ironic that unlike us, they couldn’t make a choice.
The ‘marriage’ ceremony was probably the most un-romantic experience of my life. We went to Hackney Town Hall, were given a deli style ticket and went in and signed the marriage certificate and that was that. I count the civil partnership as the ‘wedding’ as that is when we did a public declaration of our love in front of our friends and family. The civil ceremony was in Stoke Newington town hall. We then hired old London buses to take the party to a music hall in Shoreditch.
To be in a room with a 100 or so people that all mean something to you is a weird and truly humbling experience. A lot of the people in attendance didn’t know what was the correct etiquette, as they’d never been to a same-sex celebration, so of course, we had lots of silly questions around tradition and formalities. We did it our way and it was probably one of the most fun days of my life.
Weddings don’t have to be stressful. We went in with the attitude that it’s just a celebration of love, friendship and family. I’d do it again and again if I could!
Gary, 43 & Alan, 34
Gary and Alan Burgess got married at La Mare Wine Estate in Jersey on 31 March 2018.
Gary: It was always Alan’s and my intention to marry, rather than partake in a civil partnership, so that our union was on an equal footing with all other couples. But although the marriage legislation was due to be enacted in Jersey by the date of our civil partnership, it got delayed.
So we ploughed on with our plans for a ceremony and celebration with 120 friends and family on 31 March 2018, which will remain the date we celebrate as our anniversary (we’re off on a staycation in a hotel this weekend). When new legislation came in last July, we were the first couple in Jersey to get married. Our marriage certificate is number one in the conversion register.
“That marriage is available to all is just wonderful."”
For me it’s not about what a civil partnership is or isn’t, it’s about the fact of a marriage being something that’s equal to all couples who find themselves in a loving relationship. That marriage is available to all is just wonderful, and is hopefully the start of a chapter in history which will eventually leading to people looking back in wonderment that it was ever even an issue in the first place.
To get married meant more to me, and to Alan, than we ever imagined. The emotion of speaking our vows in front of special family and friends, and knowing our relationship was recognised in law meant the world. And the joy we received back from the celebrant at both our civil partnership and the marriage conversion show that they, too, appreciated what we were doing.
There were so many special memories from the day. Seeing friends and family who’d flown in from around the world to be with us. Feeling the terror of the first dance – I’m not a natural – yet being swept up in a sea of love once it began.
Mid-ceremony looking into Alan’s eyes, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion at what was happening, seeing the confident, reassuring and loving man stare back at me and giving me the security I needed in that very moment. That he’s able to do that without even needing to say anything says it all.
Chris, 34, & Russ, 54
Chris Wilson and Russell Child got married on 7 February 2015 at Islington town hall, London.
Chris: We had planned our civil partnership and then we had the opportunity to convert it to a marriage ceremony, so we did. For so many reasons it was important for us. We married absolutely for love but there was also a huge political element.
Russ worked at a time when one of his teacher colleagues was sacked for being gay and sharing that with his class, and the very fact that we can now be husbands just holds so much meaning to us – that it’s legitimate and legal.
We initially wanted to have a civil partnership because we wanted to be together and be partners – we had been together seven years by that point. We didn’t expect the marriage laws would happen so soon so that was a huge thing.
“We know we’re a family and to have public recognition of that was the most moving thing ever"”
The day itself was just love, love love. We just spent the whole day in floods of tears over the fact we could be together in a new sort of family. We know we’re a family and to have public recognition of that was the most moving thing ever.
I just can’t stress how how hurtful it is when people argue against the just cause that people could be together and have that recognised. My mind boggles. I don’t think people know how painful it is when love is invalidated publicly.
On Friday we will have a night in together and watch the film Pride. My husband is actually in as an extra – he’s the one with the beard at the end!