When it comes to dating in London, for a women in her thirties, options are limited.
Despite keeping myself in reasonably good shape, spending time and money on my appearance and limiting my booze intake to an amount society deems acceptable, when it comes to meeting hot men - it's slim pickings.
There are a number of reasons for this.
Firstly, I have neither the time nor inclination to stand around in bars and pull, most men of an appropriate dating age are now either married or homosexual, and those who are not, are chasing skirt ten years younger than themselves, in the hope of bagging themselves some arm candy before, they too, are on the proverbial shelf.
All is not lost however, despite English men being in short supply, mercifully, with London being the diverse mixing pot that it is, there is a welcome supply of Europeans relocating to the capital. Great for our economy, and more importantly, great for my sex life.
European men think maturity is sexy
English men, typically, go for women who are still sitting their A-levels, or at least look like they are. Similar to Americans, in their wrinkle-free taste in women, English guys tend to associate youth with beauty. Unlike Italian, French and Spanish men, who embrace the maturer woman and find Botox, fillers and surgery common and un-attractive.
Age and confidence are sexier than breast implants and conversation about Celebrity Big Brother - and boy, do we welcome that.
They are honest
Whether it's because they've been brainwashed to play games or think it'll make you want them more, English blokes just love a game. Three day rule? Urgg, get over it - take a tip from an Italian, you had a good date and like a girl? Tell them!
Be open and spontaneous, far sexier than four months of cat and mouse. I'm thirty-seven, trust me, I bore easily.
They are passionate
Whilst I wouldn't recommend sex with a complete stranger within an hour of meeting them (well, not always anyway), a European man, most notably a Mediterranean one, doesn't think twice about diving in for a snog if he fancies you regardless of the amount of time he has known you. Similarly, if the evening is going well, they see no reason to end it.
No excuses of early starts, high pressured jobs, 6am yoga classes or not wanting to miss the last train home. Passion is king and rules everything - as does the fact he has 'no control over my heart when I'm with you my darling!' (read: erection) Viva la dolce vita.
You can say what the hell you want
Obviously comprehension varies depending on how well your European lover du jour understands English, but I find a date with a Mediterranean man a refreshing break from having to over-analyse everything I have said after a date with an English one. A Spanish man, for example, will look deep into your eyes pretending to savour every word, despite the fact he hasn't the slightest idea of what you're on about.
Everyone's a winner. He thinks that you're talking about EU politics and you can stop worrying about telling the same story twice after a bit too much grape juice.
You sound hot
Talking of conversation, do you know that European men love it when English girls try and speak another language? Yep, your brummie accent is sweet music to your latin lover's ears - that's got to be worth moving abroad for.
They drink good wine
And like that you do too. Far be it for me to suggest that French women know there limits and can come across as a bit uptight, but one thing us English girls do well is sink a bottle of SB in half an hour - we might not be stick thin, sophisticated and full of self-control but we know how to have fun. Your ability to not take yourself too seriously is a novelty, use it.
They will love you and leave you
Yep, here's the bad news. From my experience, and I think it's fair to say it's plentiful, men from the Med love more easily but leave more easily too. Life is too short to stay in bad relationships is it not? Meaning that one day they are declaring love, the next day you're eating their dust.
Latin lovers might not be long lived but they are honest and passionate, and will make you feel like the most beautiful woman alive - for one night at least.