Atheism - the most aggressive religion in history.
Britain vetoed a European Treaty - Ho, ho, ho.
Christmas nuts roasting on a fire - what I'd like to do to most MEPs.
Mistletoe and Whining - about all we've ever had from Europe.
Every time some guttural-voiced Eurocrat pronounces on Britain it's another solid reason to kick them in the balls.
Coalition politics - it's like crapping your pants and walking round with the consequence.
Europe should build a pyre of red-tape and taxes - instead it digs itself a hole.
The Eurozone - a jerry-built handcart heading for hell.
Welfare - it works so you don't have to.
Go along to get along - why generals rarely stand up to politicians.
Russia is a banana republic where the bananas have gone missing.
Summer tends to follow Spring - unless you live in Russia.
The West has an exit strategy in Afghanistan - I suspect President Karzai has one also.
Hubris and stupidity have brought the West to the brink - vested interests will kick it over.
The next generation will not thank us - largely because they are inarticulate and cannot spell.
The City contributes £60bn-a-year to the Exchequer - anti-capitalist protesters give precisely nothing.
Paris wants to be a global financial hub - they'd better stop being French then.
Living within your means is something people without parents do.
Only one thing will prevent Britain becoming the next Greece - we're not Greek.
Women once burnt their bras - they should be burning the burqa.
In a few generations, Britain has gone from being the workshop of the world to the work-shy.
I used to be an agnostic - now I'm not sure.
Worst case, Iran will be another North Korea - insular, paranoid, nuclear-tipped and thus untouchable.
We live in a po-faced world where none may give offence and all are quick to take it - thank God for Clarkson.
I do not have a pension - I pay for other people's.
Riots - all-night shopping for the underclass.
Depression, therapry, neuroses - and they say civilisation progresses.