100) That being President is a full-time job
Just this week in a remarkable interview with Reuters, Donald trump appeared to suggest he wasn’t having such a great time being President.
“I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”
Awww, diddums.
99) That 100 days is a big deal even if you say it isn’t
Trump recently called the first 100 days of being President an “artificial barrier” which may have had something to do with the 29 things he pledged to get done in the timeframe that are yet to be completed.
98) That Arnie doesn’t take any shit
Don’t start a fight with Arnie over rating because he will destroy you.
97) That even guests can show you up in gloriously spectacular fashion
This is Irish PM Enda Kenny launching an extraordinary veiled attack on Donald J. Trump’s immigration policy whilst standing right next to him back in March.
96) That his fans would start burning Harry Potter books
95) That the people of Bowling Green were massacred
Kellyanne Conway has been a source of unlimited amusement since taking on the role of Counselor to the President but the Bowling Green Massacre claim was a cut above.
94) That you can’t go around accusing China of being a currency manipulator if you want them onside
One of Trump’s pledges was to designate China a currency manipulator, setting the stage for possible trade penalties because “we’re like the piggy bank that’s being robbed. We can’t continue to allow China to rape our country, and that’s what they’re doing.”
Now? Abandoned. Trump says he doesn’t want to punish China when it is cooperating in a response to North Korean provocations. He also says China has stopped manipulating its currency for unfair trade advantage. But China was moving away from that behaviour well before he took office.
Also set aside: repeated vows to slap high tariffs on Chinese imports.
93) That banning ‘bad people’ isn’t that straightforward
Remember his immigration ban? That went well...
92) That humans come in more than just the ‘white male version’
Compare and contrast...
91) That terrorists come in all shapes, colours and sizes
90) That judges erm... judge
And they spend a lot of time in court, naturally.
89) How the lights in the White House work
Well, we assume he’s figured it out by now. Barack Obama never had any problems.
88) That Fox News and Infowars aren’t the only media outlets
Trump accused the “dishonest media” of failing to report Islamic terrorist attacks prompting the White House to produce a list of incidents not covered by the media.
Only, they had.
87) That people are forever going to mock his tiny hands
86) That even Kellyanne Conway can’t spin a Trump administration
Jake Tapper: “I guess the problem is it’s very difficult to hear about criticisms from a White House that has so little regard day-in-day-out for facts and truth.”
Kellyanne Conway: “That’s not completely fair. We have a very high respect for the truth.”
The Trump administration had (in the two and a half weeks after this interview took place) lied about Iraq, fake news, voter fraud, Muslim bans in other countries, being in the UK the day before the Brexit vote to name just a few - the full list encompasses 42 different topics
85) That the truth is basically what Trump thinks it is
84) Who is friends are
Jake Tapper: “A lot of Republicans on Capitol Hill were also upset when President Trump was asked about Vladimir Putin being a ‘killer’ and the President said: ‘The US has got a lot of killers, you think our country is so innocent?’ And then he explained he was talking about US involvement in Iraq.
“To be clear, Putin is a human rights abuser not to mention curious murders of his political opponents. Is he equating the war in Iraq with what Putin does?”
Kellyanne Conway: “No, he’s just answering the question as asked. A lot of this stems from the fact that there just seems to be charge and accusation after charge and accusation that somehow President Trump and Vladimir Putin are BFFs. That is not true.”
Erm... we’ll just leave this here...
83) What ‘Easy D’ means to most people
82) That the wind is the greatest threat to his image
81) That Alec Baldwin’s impression of him is deceptively good
This appeared in a newspaper in the Dominican Republic in February.
80) That even fictional White House staff have it in for him.
79) Oh, and rappers
78) What NATO actually is.
This is a genuine transcript from a genuine interview with the genuine President of the United States.
They had a quote from me that NATO’s obsolete. But they didn’t say why it was obsolete. I was on Wolf Blitzer, very fair interview, the first time I was ever asked about NATO, because I wasn’t in government. People don’t go around asking about NATO if I’m building a building in Manhattan, right? So they asked me, Wolf ... asked me about NATO, and I said two things. NATO’s obsolete — not knowing much about NATO, now I know a lot about NATO — NATO is obsolete, and I said, “And the reason it’s obsolete is because of the fact they don’t focus on terrorism.” You know, back when they did NATO there was no such thing as terrorism.
TRANSLATION: “I didn’t know what NATO actually is when I talked about it during the election.
77) That his first day as President wasn’t going to be as simple as he thought
On a campaign website page which has since mysteriously disappeared, Trump said:
“On day one of the Trump Administration, we will ask Congress to immediately deliver a full repeal of Obamacare.”
As you may well be aware, this did not happen.
76) That people are going to examine the backgrounds of people he hires
Remember Michael Flynn? He didn’t last long, did he?
75) That “drain the swamp” means “drain the swamp”
Oh, hang on. He hasn’t learned that at all.
Trump promised that in his first 100 days he would enact ethics reforms to “drain the swamp” and reduce corrupting influences of special interests on politics.
74) That it’s important to keep your advisors up to speed
In the immediate aftermath of the firing of Flynn, Kellyanne Conway was forced into an excruciating interview.
In an exchange on NBC’s Today Show with Matt Lauer, she appeared to imply the national security advisor would have kept his job had he not stood down, simply because the President is “extremely loyal”.
Lauer said: “Yesterday you said that Michael Flynn had the full confidence of the President. Later Sean Spicer said the President was evaluating the situation and then Michael Flynn resigns overnight. Were you out of the loop on this?”
To which she replied: “No not at all, both were true. The President is very loyal, he’s a very loyal person and by night’s end Mike Flynn decided it was best to resign, he knew he’d become a lightning rod and he made that decision.”
73) That ads are for ad breaks
The Office of Government Ethics wrote to White House attorneys that there was reason to believe that Conway violated the standards of ethical conduct for executive employees by endorsing the president’s daughter’s products during a television interview in February.
72) That if a reporter asks you a tough question you can just ignore it
CNN’s Jim Acosta attempted to question Trump about Russia at the end of an astounding press conference with Benjamin Netanyahu in February.
It did not go as planned.
71) That battling terrorists is more difficult than he thought
Trump’s first military operation authorisation was the now infamous botched raid in Yemen.
70) That his actions have an effect much further afield than just the US
London - 20/02/2017
69) That being President is “fun” - allegedly
During an extraordinary press conference in February, Trump hit out at protestors, the media and “leakers”.
Before facing questions he said: “The level of dishonesty is out of control.”
He became more agitated and lambasted the media’s “tone” of “hatred”, adding: “I’m really not a bad person by the way.”
He went on to rail at the US broadcaster CNN in particular, hitting out at the “exclusive anti-Trump” panels and that “when I go to rallies they want to throw placards at CNN”. “I watch it, I see it, I’m amazed by it,” he said of one of its evening shows.
But he insisted he was not “ranting and raving”: “I’m not, you’re just dishonest people. I’m having fun.”
But he then went on to argue: “I won, I won ... there’s zero chaos, this is a fine-tuned machine.”
Over more than an hour, Trump argued how he “inherited a mess. A mess, at home and abroad” and claimed how he had the “biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan” - when his victory was smaller than Barack Obama’s.
Fun. Right...
68) That his aides will say almost anything to defend him
Discussing the above-mentioned press conference, Trump’s deputy assistant, Sebastian Gorka appeared later that day on Newsnight and claimed it was “fabulous”.
If you can bear it you can watch the entire exchange here.
67) That if you ask a loaded question...
In February, Trump’s campaign website published a so-called “Media Accountability Study” in an effort to understand what those favourable to the President think about the press.
This was just one of the heavily-loaded questions.
It didn’t quite go to plan though.
66) That it’s not cool to echo genuinely evil people
65) That if you cite a terrorist attack you’d better make damn sure it actually happened
Trump used his platform at a Florida rally to shed light on a terrible terror attack to hit Sweden.
The only problem was that no such attack ever took place.
64) To choose your fans wisely
In February Trump held a campaign-style rally in Melbourne, Florida in front of thousands of his adoring supporters and one in particular, Gene Huber, caught his eye so much so he invited him up on stage to say a few words.
He seemed nice enough but then someone interviewed him afterwards.
63) Other countries won’t be afraid to make up for your shortcomings
Remember the picture of Trump signing an abortion order surrounded by men? Well, that banned US-funded groups worldwide from providing information on abortion.
Rather wonderfully both Norway and the Netherlands pledged an increase in funding in response and then were swiftly joined by Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, Luxembourg, Finland, Canada and Cape Verde.
Bravo.
62) That Alex Jones does have an “impressive reputation” - but for all the wrong reasons
Of all the disturbing stories to emerge surrounding the Trump administration, one of threatened to, well, trump all the others.
Alex Jones was reportedly to take on the role of “occasional information source and validator for the President of the United States” and it was revealed the pair chat on the phone regularly.
Who is Alex Jones? This guy...
61) That his immigration stance has very real consequences
In February a Mexican man reportedly took his own life almost immediately after being deported from the US.
The BBC reported Guadalupe Olivas Valencia jumped from a bridge near the El Chaparral border post, between San Diego and Tijuana, just half an hour after being deported for the third time.
Witnesses reported Olivas was visibly distressed and shouting that he did not want to return to Mexico.
60) That the Washington Post won’t take shit lying down
59) Nigel Farage will do anything for a photo op
Busted.
58) That being President is a 24-hour job
57) That when even George W. Bush is having a go, something is really, really wrong
56) That sometimes you just can’t rely on the people to #MAGA
55) That banning certain media outlets from briefings is a bit... y’know, dictatory
Sean Spicer caused outrage after banning a number of news organisations, including the BBC, from a White House press briefing in February.
54) That ‘TrumpDraws’ is the best Twitter account on the internet
53) That your war record follows you everywhere
Trump drew sharp criticism from US veterans after making a speech aboard a new warship carrier whilst wearing a military coat and hat - despite his own questionable service record.
The President appeared to relish sporting a green naval bomber jacket and baseball cap when he spoke in Virginia on Thursday and made clear his delight: “You know what, they just gave me this beautiful jacket. They said, ‘Here Mr President, please take this home.’
“I said, ‘Let me wear it,’ and then they gave me the beautiful hat and I said, ‘You know, maybe I’ll do that’. We have a great ‘Make America great again’ hat but I said, ‘This is a special day, we’re wearing this, right?’”
Before this the athletically-built, six foot two-tall, 22-year-old played American football, tennis, squash and was just about to fall in love with golf.
52) How the news works (OK, he still hasn’t grasped this one)
Remember this?
This is how Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders tried to defend the explosive claim.
51) That his record on women is well-known and won’t ever be forgotten
50) That his Press Secretary can outdo even parody versions of himself
49) That people will look for meaning in anything
48) That airquotes are not an acceptable part of a White House Press Secretary’s repertoire
Spicer, the man still showing the residual effects of a former incarnation as a deer basking in headlights, was left foundering once again during yet another painful-to-watch press briefing in March.
As well as “alternative facts” it turned out the Trump administration had another version of the truth up its sleeve as helpfully illustrated by this horrifying cartoon.
47) That you need to back up your wild claims with proof
Oh...
46) That Obama didn’t play as much golf as he thought
2014
2017
45) That global warming still isn’t really a thing
Trump’s pre-President stance on climate change is well-documented - mainly by himself.
And if his choice of EPA Chief is anything to go by, he hasn’t changed his mind.
As Ed Miliband put it...
44) That the truth is what he says it is
This is quite simply depressing.
In March, Sean Spicer was responding to questions about a jobs report released this morning indicating continued growth in the US economy.
President Trump had hailed the news by retweeting The Drudge Report.
But during the election campaign last year Trump called the very same Department of Labor report one of the “biggest hoaxes in American modern politics”.
Spicer was asked about the sudden change of heart.
To quote Ed Miliband: “Ffs.”
43) That the kitchen is a very dangerous place
This..
Good lord.
42) That people aren’t just going to forget about his tax returns
Last year
This week
This despite huge numbers of protests across the US demanding he release them just a few days before.
His response to them?
Of course.
41) That despite being President he’s still not to busy to take on Snoop Dogg
This is a still from Snoop Dogg’s video for his song Lavender.
Trump took it well, obviously.
40) That when he promised a wall, people wanted it ASAP
39) That when he promised to “drain the swamp” people wanted him to drain the swamp
38) That when he promised to stop the flood of refugees people wanted him to stop the flood of refugees
37) That when he said “America First” people thought he really meant America First
36) That when he said he would fight for “forgotten Americans” people thought he would fight for forgotten Americans
35) That when he said he’s release his tax returns people thought he would release his tax returns
34) That when he said he’d stay out of Syria that people thought he’d stay out of Syria
33) That people really look forward to a tour of the White House
32) That rogue fast-food workers can cause mayhem
In mid-March McDonalds all of a sudden appeared to wade in heavily on the political situation in the US.
The fast food giant later posted a tweet following the incident, explaining what had happened:
It was a bit awkward considering Trump is such a fan of McDonald’s...
31) That “forgotten Americans” are indeed easily forgotten
In March Trump blithely said he knows his healthcare plan would hurt poorer Americans the worst.
Nice.
30) That if he was Mayor of a fictional town it would still be terrifying
29) That Angela Merkel is an absolute boss
That look...
28) That his approval rating would suck
27) That those pesky Russia allegations weren’t going to go away
And, old tweets from your own aides would put them sharply in focus.
A tweet sent by Kellyanne Conway in 2016 was vigorously recirculated in light of the FBI’s confirmation it is investigating alleged links between Trump’s associates and Russia.
In October last year the counselor to the president appeared on Fox News to discuss the probe into Hillary Clinton’s emails.
During the interview she said: “If you’re under your second FBI investigation in the same year then you do have a… corruption and an ethics problem.”
After the segment she tweeted this, which a few months later took on a whole new meaning.
26) That Day 60 would be a nightmare
Monday 21 March was a bad day for Donald Trump - so bad in fact he seemed determined to forget it (and eight others) before it was even over.
The highlight of the day was a real-time ass-whooping from his own FBI Director.
James Comey finally confirmed during a House Intelligence Committee hearing that he was investigating whether Trump’s associates coordinated with Russian officials in an effort to sway the 2016 presidential election.
In an apparent attempt to deflect from what the public was hearing, and whilst the hearing was still ongoing, the official Twitter account of the President tweeted the following.
Comey was asked about the content of the tweet as the hearing was ongoing.
He said: “I’m sorry. I haven’t been following anyone on Twitter while I’ve been sitting here.”
Senator Jim Himes then read one of the tweets aloud. He added: “This tweet has gone out to millions of Americans. Is the tweet, as I read it to you, is that accurate?”
Comey responded by directly contradicting Trump, saying: “It certainly wasn’t our intention to say that today.
“That’s not something that was looked at.”
Oof.
24) That people were actually listening on the campaign trail
Trump received a devastating setback in his Presidency in March as his attempt to repeal Obamacare was defeated by divisions within his own party.
House Republicans pulled their bill to repeal the Affordable Care Act, marking defeat on what was supposed to be one of Trump’s first major political achievements.
Speaking in the Oval Office after the stunning defeat, Trump tried to lay the blame anywhere but on his own shoulders.
He said: “You’ve all heard my speeches. I never said ‘repeal it and replace it within 64 days.’ I have a long time.
“But I want to have a great health care bill and plan—and we will and it will happen.”
Trump is right - he never said he would repeal Obamacare within 64 days.
He said he would do it much sooner. Repeatedly.
Like here for example...
Busted.
23) That three million undocumented people voted in the election (they didn’t)
Questioned by Time magazine in March Trump stood by his repeatedly debunked claim.
He said: “Well I think I will be proved right about that too.”
No one, anywhere has found any evidence that three million people voted illegally in the election.
It should be noted this is the same number by which Trump lost the popular vote to Hillary Clinton.
Coincidence? No.
22) That Angela Merkel is an absolute boss (again)
Trump handed Angela Merkel a fake £300 billion bill for money he claims Germany “owes” Nato during the German Chancellor’s visit to Washington, the Sunday Times reported.
A fake bill. Let that sink in.
Merkel “took it calmly and will not respond to such provocations,” an unnamed minister was quoted as saying.
21) That no matter what, Fox News would have his back (even if that means twisting the truth)
Fox News was ridiculed after deciding a world leader doing his job in his place of work was worthy of its own “alert”.
Only trump had in fact spent much of that weekend at his Trump National Golf Club in Virginia, the 13th such trip in his nine-week presidency.
Busted. Again.
20) That oral hygiene is important
19) That if all else fails he can just throw a strop
On 1 April Trump abruptly walked out of an executive order signing ceremony without signing any orders after being faced with some tricky questions.
The US president was speaking in the Oval Office ahead of the signing of the orders.
He was asked about sacked aide Michael Flynn, who has said he will testify about Russian involvement in the US presidential election campaign in return for immunity from prosecution.
Cue strop.
18) That if a strop doesn’t work you can just blame Obama
This has happened numerous times but perhaps the most striking occasion was after the gas attack on Syrian civilians earlier this month.
The President said the “heinous actions by the Bashar al-Assad regime” were “a consequence of the past administration’s weakness and irresolution”, whilst sidestepping questions on what he might do in response.
It was a clear reference to four years ago, when Obama failed to deliver on his “red line” when he didn’t authorise military action against Assad in response to a sarin gas attack that killed hundreds outside Damascus.
Only...
17) That Steve Bannon might not be the best person in charge of policy
A few weeks ago Trump finally removed chief strategist Steve Bannon from the National Security Council.
The presence of Bannon, the ex-Breitbart News boss, on the influential advisory body has been controversial given the website’s ultra-nationalist views and his lack of experience.
According to The New York Times, General McMaster, Trump’s national security adviser, pushed for the change.
McMaster holds a more traditional view of the US’s place in the world than hyper-nationalist Bannon and former national security adviser Michael Flynn, who was forced to resign after misrepresenting contacts with Russia’s ambassador to the US.
16) That those pesky illiteracy rumours aren’t going away
Of all the rumours circulating around Donald Trump, one of the more worrying is that he can’t read very well - a crucial skill when you’re the President of the United States.
Comedian Samantha Bee created a great round-up of the evidence back in October citing his dislike of teleprompters, a clumsy deposition hearing and numerous telling quotes from his past.
Recently, former “SNL” star and Donald Trump impersonator Taran Killam has confirmed everyone’s worst suspicions about the commander-in-chief’s time on “Saturday Night Live”: Trump “struggled to read.”
Recalling the experience to Brooklyn Magazine, the actor said, “He was … everything you see. What you see is what you get with him, really. I mean, there was no big reveal.
“He struggled to read at the table read, which did not give many of us great confidence. Didn’t get the jokes, really. He’s just a man who seems to be powered by bluster.”
Great. Good job he doesn’t have many important intelligence decisions to make. Oh, wait...
15) That Sean Spicer shouldn’t be allowed out on his own
Earlier this month, Sean Spicer said Hitler “didn’t sink to using chemical weapons” leading to the bizarre situation where everyone explained to him what the Holocaust was.
The White House press secretary was discussing how Syrian dictator Bashar Assad had gassed his people, prompting an American missile strike against the regime.
“We didn’t use chemical weapons in World War II. You know, you had someone as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons,” he told reporters.
The Nazis gassed millions of people during the Holocaust.
14) That Iraq and Syria are not the same country
When describing how he had informed Chinese President Xi Jinping about the US missile strike on Syria, Trump not only thought it appropriate to describe a chocolate cake in detail but he also did this...
13) That the North Korea situation is complicated
Trump has distilled the problem of Kim Jong-un’s rogue nuclear-armed state into a situation whereby China is willingly slacking and forcing America to take action alone.
Then Trump had a call with Chinese President Xi during which he had a sudden revelation.
“After listening for 10 minutes, I realised it’s not so easy. Felt pretty strongly that [China] had a tremendous power over North Korea. But it’s not what you would think.”
In summary, despite having access to the State Department, the most powerful intelligence agencies in the world and Google, Trump had to be told that one of the most dangerous geopolitical situations in the world is in fact a bit complicated.
12) That you have to acknowledge the national anthem
11) That Alex Jones isn’t what he seems (at least we hope he has)
According to The New York Times, one of the first people Trump called after his election win was none other than Alex Jones.
Then, in a shock revelation to tinfoil hat wearers everywhere, the lawyer of the controversial US radio host, said his on-air persona is an act and shouldn’t be used as the basis of judging his real character in an upcoming legal battle.
The TV adventurer, who previously accompanied President Barack Obama on a trip in to the Alaskan wilderness in 2015, told Radio Times that Trump has one quality that might help him in the elements – “There’s no doubting he’s tenacious.”
However, Bear has this word of caution: “Donald Trump is a person who likes to be king and the one thing I’ve learnt in the wild is you’re never the king. You’ve got to learn to put the crown down. I’m actually on the same network, NBC, as The Apprentice. But I kind of hope he’s got more important things to do than to go on an adventure with me.”
9) That boats can travel in multiple directions
Trump boasted earlier this month that he had sent an “armada” as a warning to North Korea but it turns out it was actually going in the opposite direction.
North Korea expert Joel Wit at the 38 North monitoring group, run by Johns Hopkins University’s School of Advanced International Studies, told Reuters: “If you threaten them and your threat is not credible, it’s only going to undermine whatever your policy toward them is.
8) That Brexit is a touchy subject
Last week it was announced Post-Brexit Britain could be pushed behind the European Union in the queue for a US trade deal, prompting some glorious sarcasm from Remain voters.
7) That size does indeed matter - and so does the truth
Remember when Sean Spicer said this?
Some members of the media were engaged in deliberately false reporting ... This was the largest audience to ever witness the inauguration period both in person and around the globe.
6) That it’s important to speak clearly
5) That promoting your own businesses is not OK.
4) That family members will draw heat for your own actions
3) That Obama’s photographer is brilliant
As Chief Official White House Photographer during the Obama administration, Pete Souza took up to 20,000 photos a week, a vast trove of material which he is now using to subtly troll Donald Trump.
The 62-year-old has spent the last couple of months posting thoughtfully chosen pictures on his Instagram account that juxtapose the previous incumbent’s style with the current President.
The result is some of the most authoritative and professional shade ever directed at anyone.