Tired of trudging through endless stats in the vain hope of predicting a strong fantasy premier league team? Bored of following players' fluctuating form throughout the season, and making astute weekly transfers in anticipation of upcoming games? Follow these tips and find success in a different manner.
1. Go Rogue.
Pick players widely expected to perform poorly, or have a negligible impact. The logic? No one else will have picked them. When Jonathan Walters does eventually bag that annual hat-trick his perennial goal drought leads up to, you'll be there to claim the points and amaze others with your footballing clairvoyance.
2. Copy Someone Else's Team.
Will copying someone else's decisions make you the most popular fantasy manager in your office? No. But it will ensure you're never too far behind the pack, and saves you having to make any of your own calls. This theory can also be applied to life in general.
3. Topload Your Team.
Who cares about defence these days? Barcelona's swashbuckling frontline has clearly shown that football's about all-out attack. With that in mind, select a team more top-heavy than Cristiano Ronaldo's workout regime. Aguero, Costa and Rooney up top for a combined 35 points? Sure. You'll make up the savings with 4.0 Senderos and Danny Simpson at the back, assuming they don't concede too many own goals. Which, as the saying goes, might well be making an ass out of you.
4. Use Other Standards of Player Assessment.
Do you know a female, or of one? Give them a line-up of premier league players, ask them who they find most attractive, pick those. The reasoning being the more successful players can afford better skin creams. A girl at my work actually used this method and while she didn't win our league, she certainly took part.
5. Make your own un-loseable league.
Make your own league, just for you. Or fill it out with a raft of teams featuring reserve players, and claim end-of-year victory in smug fashion.