Ever feel lost?
Like everything you do isn't quite the way it should be?
That no matter how hard you try, you don't feel 'right'?
That's me lately.
I try so hard to be the way I feel I should be. But I sometimes think I am being far too hard on myself. I want things to be a certain way, to be perfect, but I never seem to get there. And then I beat myself up.
I'm not a perfect mum, and I don't pretend to be. But lately, I feel like I am doing a worse job than usual.
I don't know what it is, I can't put my finger on it. But I want to be better. My job is to be a good mum, a good wife and keep a good home. And I feel I fail on all three counts.
My kids are lovely, they really are. They are polite, intelligent and active - so in my heart I know I am doing something right - yet that doesn't stop me feeling like I am failing. Like I am drowning.
I think I need a focus - something that is just for me. Not me as 'mummy', not me as everyone else sees me, but something for me as I see me. I don't even know if that makes sense to you, but I know what I mean. I look at my kids and I love them so much it hurts - but am I setting them a good example? I can't answer that - but I really hope so. And if not, then I need to do something about that.
So give me inspiration, give me hope - tell me that it is OK to feel like this, and that things will change. Because I can't be the only one out there to feel like this, surely?
Mummy to three little monkeys, blogging about juggling everyday life with work, children and home. Crafts, recipes, reviews, competitions and more.
Blogs at: My family fever
Twitter: @FamilyFever