It's been interesting to hear a range of responses to Fifty Shades of Grey. In conversation and through social media, I've heard boredom, fear, intrigue, disgust, excitement, hilarity, obsession, nonchalance, disappointment, flippancy, mild amusement, thoughtful interest and sheer fun.
Our collective range of response made me think about sexual expression - not written expression on a page, but our actual physical expression.
Shared sex can be many things, such as a casual encounter, an expression of deep care, a decidedly physical lustiness, a chore or a tender exploration of relationship. But shared sex always one thing - a physical activity shared between bodies. Obvious perhaps, but its easy to miss the significance of the obvious.
Sex is a unique expression of our own and another's body. As a physical mode of sharing our self with another person, there's no other activity quite like it. Sex is always more than "just sex" - even when it is casual and especially when its a decidedly physical lustiness. I would argue that our sexual body - more than our mind or heart - is our truest form of self expression. More accurately, it's a mode of being that allows for a wide range of self expression.
The question then becomes, "What aspect of myself do I want to express?"
I think that this is one of the many pleasures of sex - that it can be as deep or shallow, as lateral or literal as we like (or as the other person likes) in that moment. Our shades of self can't be numbered. We can screw someone cerebrally or with wit, with heart or guts or devotion or carelessness.
The real fun starts when nuances of our own expression meet the nuances of the other person's. The potential for clash, harmony or boredom is unpredictable.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like we choose what aspect of self to express in sex. The body takes over. To me, this is one of the wonders of sexual body. There are moments when it seems that we become skin deep - or flesh deep; that the whole of our personhood is concentrated in our flesh. Mind loses itself in the body. I think this results in one of the purest experiences of physicality we can have.
So, with or without sex toys, enjoy your shades of self.