Five Fearless Females
A Guide for Every Age
To feel the fear and have the courage to do the very thing I fear the most is a constant battle for me. People tell me I seem fearless. This could not be further from the truth! In fact, it is because my struggle with fear is so deep I am so obsessed with overcoming it. I struggle with many of the same fears many females have - speaking up, trusting myself, financial independence, getting old, and most of all for me, living dependent upon myself and no one else.
The difference between highly successful people and not is that successful people feel the fear but do it anyways.
Fear is highly relative to the individual and it changes as we move through stages of life. Regardless of age, it is often the very thing we fear the most that is holding us back in all areas of our lives.
Whether you are looking to improve your personal, professional, or emotional life it all starts with honestly facing the fear and gaining the strength to move through it. The best alternative is a mediocre life but certainly not your best life.
When I get feared up I look to people I respect and admire to gain courage. In this piece I've asked 5 such women - from 18 to 50 years old - on how they conquer fear. Despite the breadth of age, background or geography their messages are equally relatable and inspiring.
TEENS
Orion Carloto, YouTube Star, Actress:
1. A lot of people miss their calling in life because they are held back by fear. What tools do you use to conquer fear and go after what you really want in life?
Fear is a big obstacle in my life (and many others) that nearly pushes myself to the point of not taking chances. I think it's super important to remember that we only have one life to live with many opportunities to live it right. If you let your fear hold you back than you never know how great an opportunity is and how wonderful the outcome may be. Even if it turns out bad, it gives you more experience and something to learn from. Always go for it and never let a certainty fear stop you from doing something you want to do.
2. What would you tell your 10 year old self today?
I'd tell myself to not grow up so fast. Stop being so focused on where you'll be when you're 18 or 21 and start living life where you are right now. Live in the moment. You have so much time to have fun and make amazing memories, so stop putting all of your thoughts into where you'll be when you're older. Trust me, it all seems like a bunch of fun and games, and you may be able to get away with getting into cooler places, but adulthood isn't as fun as being 10 years old!!
(Visit Orion on Vine )
TWENTIES
Zara Martin, TV Presenter, Model, & DJ:
1.A lot of people miss their calling in life because they are held back by fear. What tools do you use to conquer fear and go after what you really want in life?
Not having a back up plan is the best way to conquer any fear. When you give yourself no option but to achieve what it is you set out to do then everything else sort of becomes irrelevant. My career has taken so many twists and turns but I never spent time thinking "what if it doesn't work out?"
2. What would you tell your 10 year old self today?
I was quite an emo child, I would probably tell myself to lighten up.
(Follow Zara on twitter @ZaraMartin )
THIRTIES
Sarah Hogan, Celebrity Stylist & Entrepreneur:
1. A lot of people miss their calling in life because they are held back by fear. What tools do you use to conquer fear and go after what you really want in life?
So many people miss out on their calling in life because of fear, and as much as that's sad for them, it's just as sad for the everyone around them, we have no right to deny the world of our souls purpose, and that doesn't mean that we all have to set out to cure cancer! But imagine how much better the world would be if we were able to fulfill our potential, as parents, as partners, as business owners, charity workers, researchers, designers, the list includes all of us. Imagine how the world would look and feel If everyone managed their fear and allowed the world to benefit from their true potential.
My goal is never fearlessness. I have found a measured amount of fear is beneficial, to caution us where at times we should be cautious. With fear, I think the trick is a 2 step process
*Assess the true root of the fear. Close your eyes, and truly feel the fear, be honest with yourself about why it's there. Feel where it lives in your body, where do you feel it physically? Now try to understand it's root, is the fear a real and reasonable fear? Keep asking why it is there and figure out if it is helpful information or if you are just scared? The key thing in this part that I focus on, is not to let your ego offer you excuses and trick you into thinking all your fears are reasonable and that you should give into them, this voice is dishonest, unhelpful and will only serve to block your potential and let fear beat you. Be honest with yourself, be tough on yourself in this questioning process, get to the root of your fear and realize whether it's a real or reasonable fear, that requires action or further assessments, or whether it is just nerves and fear, its okay just to be a bit scared sometimes. This is where the next step comes in...
*Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Get the fear in gear, find a gear to operate in where you are comfortable with being uncomfortable. Get used to the idea that you are going to be scared in this process or during this time, and get on with it! Bring your measured, cautious fear along for the ride! If it's sitting in the passenger seat with you, it can't block you - and it might even help you navigate the journey better. Fear can be our friend in the right gear, it can drive us, it gives us a shot of adrenaline when we need it and let's face it, a little jeopardy makes life more exciting! Fear is not the enemy, giving into fear is. People have had amazing successes with white knuckles. My knuckles have been white since I started my styling business 6 years ago, and I have enjoyed the ride immensely! I am also launching my first product in January, and I'm currently feeling all kinds of good, excited, scared and I can't wait for January to come around to see it all unfold.
2. What would you tell your 10 year old self today?
What a gift it would be to talk to my teenage self! I would tell her that the people who are putting you down and trying to block you becoming who you are, doing it out of their own unresolved pain and their fear. The need to control and put down another person comes from their fear and unhappiness, and not to let that energy or those words in. Like a lot of teenagers I had low self esteem and a lot of fear and anxiety. I would have told myself about the tools that I have learned over the last 15 years to work on becoming a better version of yourself. It's a process of course, and like everyone - I still have a lot of work to do, but Im doing it. As a teenager I didn't have access to those tools or learning experiences, so I'm very grateful that I have had the chance and opportunity to engage with some amazing teachers and teachings over the years, whether that's from a book, a talk or a one to one. I also learn a lot from the close people in my life, we speak honestly, freely and frankly with each other and its wonderful what you learn when you do. There is so much pretense of perfection and fearlessness now on social media, and its important to have real conversations with real people, so get yourself some spiritual running buddies and have great time learning from each other's journeys, successes, fears and epic fails. Its okay to have fear in success and in failure, but its not okay to deny the world your souls purpose.
(Sarah is Founder of Style Tonic by Sarah Price, www.styletonic.net )
FORTIES
Caprice Bourett, Entrepreneur & Former Model:
1. A lot of people miss their calling in life because they are held back by fear. What tools do you use to conquer fear and go after what you really want in life?
You can't get rid of fear but learn to minimize risk and go for it! I changed my career when I was 35 and let me tell you I was scared! Just jump in the deep end and when you come across obstacles find a solution.
Life is not smooth sailing; it is not about avoiding conflict. It is about how you deal with it. Be grateful for the successes you have and when problems arise find a solution. Sometimes you need to stop and not react impulsively or emotionally. Take a breath. Clear your head. Then go fix it!
Finally, you may take a few punches along the way. Actually expect it! Embrace it! Let it make you stronger and more persistent. Then get your tushie up and continue going after your dream. You CAN achieve what you want. Only you can make it happen. Believe it WILL happen!
2. What would you tell your 10 year old self today?
I wish I would have concentrated more on my studies. Today the world is so competitive. I didn't place enough importance on academics. It is your foundation for your future and in today's world it is really important.
(Caprice is Founder & CEO of www.bycaprice.com )
FIFTIES
Caren Downie, Entrepreneur & Former Fashion Director of Asos.com & Topshop:
1. A lot of people miss their calling in life because they are held back by fear. What tools do you use to conquer fear and go after what you really want in life?
Creative inspiration always makes me believe in new possibilities and it is the passion that comes from that that makes you brave. For me it is about learning new things and inspiring others along the way. You have to love what you do to give it your best and take the chances but it is also important to have fun along the way.
Of course there is always yoga to help with focus.
2. What would you tell your 10 year old self today?
I would definitely tell my 10 year old self to believe in the possibilities and believe in yourself!!
(Caren is Founder of Finery London )
One of my favorite quotes is from "The Art of War" by Sun Tzo, wherein he writes that the true leader leads from within. As I move to in a leadership position in my career it is my responsibility to face my fears with acceptance and humility so I can be the kind of leaders my associates deserve. With women like this around, its strength in numbers
With Lots of Love during this Holiday Season,
Noelle xx