Online dating is hated by so many women, but not so many men moan about it. In fact, for men online dating is generally fun, exciting and like an amazing opportunity to meet and make new friends, and then to find the love of their lives. For women, it’s a hotbed of fear, insecurity and rejection – but it doesn’t have to be! Here are my five top tips for how you can learn from the men.
Confidence
Many men are much better at putting on a confident face than women when dating, especially online, this creates a power imbalance where women often feel ‘less than’ and then act out their insecurities with men that they are dating. This can really sabotage your dating power and success, as it gives the man a position of being on a pedestal. Do some belief stacking - write out 100 reasons why you are a great catch and all of the lovable, beautiful and wonderful things about yourself. Stop looking to men to validate you. Do it for yourself.
Too much, too soon
This is a fatal mistake that women are more inclined to make, where they find a man that they feel attracted to and immediately they are thinking marriage, babies and ‘the future’. Men are much better at being in the moment in the early stages of dating and women could learn a lot from this. Stop over investing, fantasising about men that you don’t know yet. This gives off a needy, desperate vibe and men can smell it. Why nail it down so fast, you might regret it! Enjoy, Have fun, lighten up and take your time. It will help you to feel more in control.
Thinking that sex and love are the same thing
Er, sorry ladies but this is a huge mistake that so many women make. Only ever have sex if you can handle not ever hearing from that person again, or, just wait. It’s not a moral dilemma, it’s an emotional one. Men generally are much better at having sex without attachment forming as quickly as women so only play this game if you can truly walk away with your head held high and not feeling devastated because you got attached and he didn’t.
Giving too much
Why? Don’t do it. So many women complain that men are selfish, that they don’t get what they want and need and yet they just give relentlessly and then feel resentment. Try asking in a very direct way for what you want, be clear and brave, take and receive instead of always giving. It’s always a choice, but it could just be a bad habit that you need to break.
Dating around
Do it. LOADS. There are SO MANY NICE MEN IN THIS WORLD. Do what they do and really just position yourself as the prize, work on your worthiness and don’t settle until you are really sure. A partner needs to prove themselves to you, let them, allow, be a bit fussy about the right things, the things that really matter, like shared values and interests, a similar vision, but most importantly how you are being treated and how it feels to be around the other person. Generally, most of the men that I’ve coached base their commitment and relationship choices on how it feels to be around you. Stop trying so hard. Just be yourself and trust that things will unfold the way that they should do, without you having to control them.