So you’ve found yourself back in the singles club and it seems MSN messenger is not the pinnacle of flirting sophistication it once was.
We are so out of our dating depth.
But instead of crying into the nearest bottle and listening to Cher on a loop, bookmark this page and educate yourself in 2017’s dating terminology.
1. Ghosting
You may not recognise the term, but everyone from your grandma to your optician has been guilty of ghosting (or being ghosted) along the way. You think it is all going swimmingly until they just disappear. No reason, no explanation.
Who is this: The person you always presume has lost their phone/been locked in an underground bunker without 4G. Spoiler: they haven’t.
2. Breadcrumbing
Similar to ghosting, breadcrumbing can be an emotional rollercoaster for even the most experienced lonely hearts.
Made possible by the existence of social media, breadcrumbing is when someone disappears only to reappear at a later date by liking your Instagram photo from sixteen weeks ago, without explanation for their hiatus or any commitment to your future together.
Who is this: The person that always gives you a late-night-booty-call. Make no mistake, you are their back-up option.
3. The Friend Zone
The friend zone is a terrible place to be. You really fancy someone, you hang out all the time, you think this might be going somewhere (mainly towards the bedroom) then they tell you they really value your friendship. Ouch.
Who is this: The person who tells you about the other people they want to sleep with.
4. It’s Complicated
The type of relationship that completely blows your mum’s mind. We’re sleeping together, we get on really well, we spend a lot of time with each other, and yet, we’re not quite ready to make it Facebook official.
Who is this: The person you don’t know whether it would be crossing a line to invite them to your uncle’s wedding.
5. Friends With Benefits
Friends with benefits is not a new term, but it is as relevant in 2017 as it has always been. It is the holy grail of singledom, sex without the emotional baggage. But be warned, many a solid friendship has been irreversibly wrecked by said behaviour.
Who is this: This can only be that person you don’t really care about but have always wondered what they look like naked.
6. Slow Fade.
The slow fade is similar to ghosting, except more drawn-out, and without the sudden periods of silence like breadcrumbing. You’re chatting and sleeping together consistently, then slowly but surely you realise you haven’t seen them in seven weeks.
Who is this: The person who periodically gets your name wrong in a text because they have so many other people on the go.
7. Single AF
Single AF means ‘single as fuck’ – the most hyper-accelerated version of single. The person who spends a Friday night watching musicals at home alone and creating Pinterest wedding boards.
Who is this: You. This is you.