Up all night, covered in filth, ears constantly ringing... When you think about it, a weekend at Glastonbury is pretty damn close to life at home with toddlers.
Glastonbury: Your shoes are covered in mud and it's splattered up the back of your legs and in your hair
Life with toddlers: Their shoes are covered in dirt and it's splattered up the back of their legs and in their hair
Glastonbury: There are several sets of muddy footprints trampled through your tent
Life with toddlers: There are several sets of footprints of unidentified substances trampled through your house
Glastonbury: There's a guy running around with no shirt on and a pair of underpants on his head
Life with toddlers: There's a toddler running around with no shirt on and a pair of underpants on his head
Glastonbury: The port-a-loos are a disgusting hellhole of mud, piss, vomit and other people's shit
Life with toddlers: Changing a wriggling toddler's nappy can result in you being covered in dirt, piss and someone else's shit (hopefully not vomit, but there's always a chance)
Glastonbury: Someone has stolen your phone
Life with toddlers: A toddler has stolen your phone (and deleted half your apps)
Glastonbury: There's a guy who thinks he can fly and decides to test his theory by jumping off the stage
Life with toddlers: There's a toddler who thinks he can fly and decides to test his theory by jumping off the back steps
Glastonbury: You're excited to find a temporary tattoo stall and proudly show off your new star sign tatt on your arm
Life with toddlers: You're excited to find a packet of temporary tattoos in the bottom drawer and entertain the toddlers for 20 minutes by sticking Elsa, Anna, Peppa & George on every exposed surface
Glastonbury: Everything is filthy and you're not quite sure what that smell is
Life with toddlers: Everything is filthy and you're not quite sure what that smell is
Glastonbury: The bass is so loud you can feel it in your bones
Life with toddlers: The shrieking, squealing and screaming is so loud you can feel it in your bones
Glastonbury: Fairy wings and gumboots are normal attire
Life with toddlers: Fairy wings and gumboots are normal attire
Glastonbury: You are surrounded by people who don't give a fuck about personal space
Life with toddlers: You are surrounded by toddlers who don't give a fuck about personal space
Glastonbury: A girl has a complete breakdown because Pharrell doesn't play her favourite song
Life with toddlers: A toddler has a complete breakdown because the Wiggles don't play her favourite song
Glastonbury: A couple of festival goers off their heads on E start arguing over whether Florence's new stuff is better than her old stuff, until one starts to cry
Life with toddlers: A couple of toddlers off their heads on jelly snakes start arguing over whether Ben Elf is better than Peppa Pig, until one starts to cry
Glastonbury: You are forced to listen to a lot of really shit music before you hear a song you like
Life with toddlers: You are forced to listen to a lot of really shit music
Glastonbury: You desperately want a beer, but the thought of lining up for 45 minutes to buy one is really putting you off
Life with toddlers: You desperately want a beer but the thought of getting both toddlers dressed and packing them into the car, then getting them out of the car and herding them through the bottle shop without them breaking anything and without you having to buy anything extra to placate them, and then getting back home again is putting you off
Glastonbury: Your chances of coming into contact with somebody else's bodily fluids are high
Life with toddlers: Your chances of coming into contact with somebody else's bodily fluids are high
Glastonbury: There are people running around in strangely mismatched clothes, or none at all
Life with toddlers: There are toddlers running around in strangely mismatched clothes, or none at all
Glastonbury: Baby wipes are used for everything - toilet paper, washing hands and face, cleaning surfaces, and wiping the floor of your tent
Life with toddlers: Baby wipes are used for everything - nappy changes, washing hands and face, cleaning surfaces, and wiping the floor of your house
Glastonbury: High-carb, low-nutrient food is all that is on offer
Life with toddlers: High-carb, low-nutrient food is all that will be eaten
Glastonbury: You are covered in random stains but only brought one top with you so can't get changed
Life with toddlers: You are covered in random stains but haven't done any washing so can't get changed (and you actually don't care anymore)
Glastonbury: There is a lot of crying, hugging and yelling for no apparent reason
Life with toddlers: There is a lot of crying, hugging and yelling for no apparent reason
Glastonbury: Everything is wet, muddy, or both
Life with toddlers: Everything is sticky, dirty, or both
Glastonbury: You get to the end of the weekend completely exhausted, filthy, broke, with no voice left, partially deaf, and feeling like you never want to do that again (but knowing you will).
Life with toddlers: You get to the end of each day completely exhausted, filthy, emotionally broken, with no voice left, partially deaf, and feeling like you never want to do that again (but knowing you will HAVE to).
One definite plus in the 'life with toddlers' column - no Kanye ;).
So, parents-of-toddlers, don't feel you're missing out by not getting to go to music festivals anymore - you're living the dream in your own lounge rooms.
Did I miss anything? How else is living with toddlers like being at a music festival?
First published on Rachel's blog Toilets aren't for Turtles. Find more at www.toiletsarentforturtles.com or follow on Facebook at www.facebook.com/mummamcdblogs.