As children across the UK head back to school, there’s a cohort of kids who will be struggling more than usual with the shift in routine.
Natalie, a parent from Bedford, knows this all too well. Her son, Eddie, lost his father Steve suddenly when he was just four months old.
Eddie is now 12 years old, but he still longs for his father – and when big changes happen in his life, the intense waves of grief resurface.
“Every time there is a change in routine, particularly the summer holidays, my eldest son’s world is off kilter and the grief surfaces,” Natalie says.
“Grief never goes away, we mask it, we carry it with us. Always.”
Eddie, now 12, agrees, “Changes make me think about life and reflect on the past. It makes me realise that Daddy’s not here to see me grow and what he’s missing out on and that makes me sad,” he says.
“Mum can’t help me as much as a man would. Because I’m sad about things I often miss out on opportunities. Sometimes when I’m sad about Daddy, I don’t put myself forward to do things and then afterwards I regret this.”
One in 29 children are bereaved of a parent, which equates to one grieving youngster in every classroom who may need extra support in the new academic year.
And this doesn’t take into account those who are grieving for a loved one such as a sibling, family member or friend.
While some might find comfort in the familiar routine of school, childhood bereavement charity Winston’s Wish said many grieving youngsters may find the change particularly challenging.
This is because grief can work as a “magnifier” to existing behaviours, according to grief charity Henry Ford Sandcastles.
So if, for example, a child is worried about fitting in at a new school, “their worry may be elevated wondering how they will now fit in being the child without a dad”.
Some children might experience separation anxiety, while older kids and teens might struggle to concentrate or remember to do school and homework.
When Eddie started secondary school, Natalie found watching the transition particularly hard.
“I was so worried as I knew making new friendships meant Eddie having to explain his situation again. It was a bittersweet day,” she reflects.
If you’re a parent supporting a young person during the transition back to school, Winston’s Wish advises encouraging them to ask for help when they need it.
It might also help for a child to find ways to honour the memory of their person as they move into a new stage of their education. And, in times of change, keeping existing routines can also provide a sense of stability and comfort.
If your child insists they’re fine but you’re still worried about them, experts at Henry Ford Sandcastles recommend trying a shared journal or notebook.
“Have your child pick out a blank notebook and instruct them to keep it somewhere where you both know it is,” they advise.
“Encourage them to put thoughts, worries, and questions down knowing that when they are away, you will read it and respond.”
The idea is that it helps take the pressure off them so they’re less likely to worry about how you will react.
If your child is visibly struggling, Winston’s Wish is offering support this September term via online chats, email or free phone calls for those who might be struggling.
Parents or children can call 08088 020 021, email ask@winstonswish.org or use the live chat at winstonswish.org.