It's now December and that means Christmas presents - yes, those mouthwatering gold studded heels you have been dreaming about; the justification to eat as many mince pies, Quality Street and Christmas puddings as you like, and the fact that after December, comes January - Yes! Sales! Amongst all this, Christmas time gives us an excuse to stay in with our partners while it is too cold outside and 'cuddle-up.'
After glancing over copious amounts of sex tips and facts offered by magazines, websites and the occasional TV program, you have probably accumulated enough knowledge to prepare for the greatest sex, to blow any human's mind and make this winter season in amazing. Ones you may have picked up could include: you must drink coffee before sex, as research has shown that drinking caffeine has been proven to increase sexual motivation in rats; Your partner should be on an all pineapple diet, because apparently that makes his sperm taste better. But that's ok, because another article stated weight loss makes a penis look bigger, so the diet works in two ways; and you should replace the moisturizer in the bathroom with the pumpkin pie you purchased earlier from Tesco (or Waitrose if it's a special occasion) as it's supposedly the most arousing scent for a man. Oh! Exercise aids sexual sensitivity too. Basically before sex if you run around like a crazed mud monster, eating pineapples and hyped on caffeine then you're ready to go!
That's just some of the things we are told by the media that we need to do in order to have good sex; there are tons more facts that we are fed weekly to improve sex during intercourse too. For example, studies have proven that lying down can reduce sensitivity to our senses, like sound or smell. Therefore, you can't lie down during sex anymore - no more missionary!
The problem is we are constantly being told these facts and tips to please our partner, that sex has lost its meaning. What happened to just simple, plain sex in a bed? Yes, it does get boring and some of these tips on how to enhance your sex life are great, but do we really need to go as far as some of these suggest? Quite frankly I'd rather eat that pumpkin pie. One sexual tip I've read was that sperm has a tightening effect on the skin, which is an intriguing fact and a funny beauty tip ; the only downside is that you have to walk around with sperm on you face, and I'm fairly sure your next door neighbour won't believe you if you tried to convince them it was that face mask from Boots.
Magazines and websites continually revamp a new list of top 10 sex tips every week; instead of getting lost in the moment, we're trying to figure out if we're on step five of what the article said or step three, and spend most of the time reciting those guidelines. It becomes sex with instructions. Some recommend 'dirty talk' and for all you who are beginners with this, many suggest to just direct your partner's movements. Now, I've recently just moved to London and my 'directional language' has changed from left to right, too 'southbound' Bakerloo line towards embankment, and 'westbound' on the Piccadilly line to Cockfosters - I can't imagine me using directions from Baker Street to Leicester square as the route to my G-spot is in anyway sexy.
It's not just the way some of these articles make sex as complicated as assembling a bed or how they emphasise the necessity of such preparation, that anyone would think we're taking part in the Olympics; it's also the way they highlight our performance insecurities. Everyone is different and everyone likes different things. Now, I know this may be contradicting myself, but my sexual tip for this Christmas is: why don't you take time in finding out what your partner wants from them and not some person's website... Plus it's claimed we burn approximately 100 to 150 calories during intercourse and if that's the case, you can carry on eating all that food at Christmas!