I realised that for most of my life I've tried to be like every one else: these so-called normal, functioning people that have proper jobs, good jobs, money, holidays...Those that don't get the sack from every 'proper job' they've tried. Boy, I can tell you it's exhausting.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not some mentalist that goes in to cause disruption, like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in an episode of that awful (but compulsive) show The Simple life. That'll come after my soul singing/hotelier parents die, right?
No, I'm always sacked or sorrily asked to leave politely with a: "We really like you, Hatty, but we just don't think this is for you." So basically the old, It's Not You It's Us line. 'Cos they like me and want to stay my friend, hang out and have fun with old Hats...But not work for them.
My favourite one was not being asked back to do a receptionist job for a so-called "hip and happening" advertisng agency (can you hear the bitterness?) They said, 'we love you, Hatty, we just need a little less (she paused for some time)...humour."
So I guess that's where comedy saved my life a little bit. And broken it at times - but we'll get to that in another episode. (I like calling them episodes - not keen on the word 'blog', too near to 'bog'.)
I was asked to do a blog for the Huffington Post UK about comedy, and thought that a rundown of the day-to-day life of a new comedian could be a little boring: getting to gigs; moaning about train journeys, promoters, the lack of money, loneliness; showing off when a joke gets a round of applause...you don't want that, do you?
So instead I'm asking myself and you, "Is it me or all the others?"
As I take you through all the stupidness I seem to attract, do I just bring it on myself? Do I just have one of those faces that attracts a woman talking to me through her bear at Kentish Town West station? You may have come across her. Actually, we had the best chat I'd had all day about her, oops, sorry, his travels across the world.
I'll also point out my frustration in people not enjoying the small wonders of life. Or those folk who don't seize the moment.
I was discussing with some friends about the moment when you are maybe, eating a new chocolate bar, and you say: "Mmmm this is so delicious would you like to try some? Here!" and you break half the bar for your friend because you want them to share this taste sensation moment with you. And they say, 'oh, err, thanks...' and take it and wrap it up in some tissue and put it in their bag for 'later.'
LATER? Come on, live a little! I can't stand these self-controlled (but also jealous) type people.
Anyway, as you can see it's going to be hard-hitting stuff, this blog. I did my first headline spot at gig last week (warning: there will be some gig updates) at a wonderful night called Laugh Out London. I guess in proper job terms it's the equivalent of being Assistant Manager. Then when I do a proper big girls' club I'm the boss! But I think I'll be assisting for some time.
See you in the next episode when I'll tell you about me trying to get a semi-proper TV job and being branded too cool. You just can't win!
I will be doing my Edinburgh Show in London, Hatty Ashdown - Nan Child on the 10th Oct