The festive period can be overwhelming for lots of people, but for autistic children it can be a particularly fraught time of year.
The disruption to their routine, sensory overload, and overwhelming influx of new information can be stressful and sometimes even distressing, says Michelle Myers, who works for Great Minds Together, a charity supporting young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).
Myers – who is an autistic woman and mum to autistic children – suggests all of this can add up to trigger episodes of increased levels of anxiety, fluctuation of needs and different behaviours as children process these changes.
“It can be a really difficult time,” she tells HuffPost UK, “but there are steps that parents can take to better support them and reduce the overall stress of the festive period.”
Here are her tips for navigating the festive period if your child is autistic or has additional needs.
Don’t be afraid to create new traditions
“Be unapologetically you and do what brings your family peace and joy this Christmas,” says Myers.
Whether it’s leaving presents unwrapped under the tree because your child has a sensory sensitivity to wrapping paper, or you let them eat their favourite pizza instead of Christmas dinner, her main piece of advice is to “do what works for you”.
“Create new traditions,” she suggests. “Neurodiverse families are wonderfully unique so it makes sense that our Christmas should be just as wonderfully unique as we are.”
Do plan ahead
Sticking to daily routines can be so important for autistic children (and adults!), so Myers advises keeping as many routines in place as possible over the festive period – and that includes Christmas Day.
“Some routines for autistic people are as essential to us as breathing,” she says, “so to have too many changes can really impact us.”
When things do have to change, it’s important to plan as far in advance so you can give your child as much warning as possible – “and don’t change too many things at once,” she adds.
Don’t say ‘yes’ to events you know will be stressful
It’s so important to advocate for the needs of your child – and that means saying no to events that you know will be stressful.
“Tell Aunty Irene that hugs are a no-go. Ask school for a timetable of events. You owe no explanations to anyone,” says Myers.
She says autistic people deserve to have their “often-hidden needs accepted and respected”, otherwise they can fall into the trap of feeling the pressure to conform, which can lead to masking, she adds, “which is never a good thing for anyone”.
Masking is where a person hides or disguises parts of their selves in order to fit in. According to the National Autistic Society, it might involve suppressing certain behaviours autistic people find soothing, or mimicking the behaviour of other people in order to get by in social situations.
Do use visual supports
Visual supports such as lists, calendars, text messages or even photos can help autistic people prepare for new experiences, suggests Myers. So don’t be afraid to roadmap what Christmas – and the following days – will entail.
“It helps us to process time, sequence activities and even reduces our anxiety,” she says.
Any kind of visual support you can provide will act as a sat nav to their day. This helps them see the steps they need to take, prevents them from getting lost, and maps out the time it will take (so they can see it will end eventually).
All of this can contribute to preventing them from getting overwhelmed.
Do remember to schedule time for them to recharge
“Imagine we all have a battery inside us. Some things we do drain our battery, and some things we do charge our battery. December brings with it lots of things that can quickly deplete autistic children’s batteries,” says Myers.
Whether it’s the carols, the flashing lights, the social interaction with family members you haven’t seen since this time last year.
“We need to remember that their little batteries may need more opportunities to charge at this time,” says Myers. So do schedule time for your family to rest amid the mayhem of the festive period – even on Christmas Day.
“Take a sensory bag, ear defenders, a dark den, their favourite snack or blanket, whatever works for them,” she adds.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
One thing it’s important for parents to remember is that it’s ok if things don’t turn out perfectly at Christmas. You’re doing the best you can.
Myers recalls how one year her Christmas tree collapsed and thousands of pine needles fell off it. “I was devastated,” she recalls. “I cried so much I convinced myself that Christmas was over.
“But then my son came bounding down the stairs and proceeded to swish through the dry dead pine needles like fallen autumn leaves – my tears turned to hysterical laughter streaming down my face.
“All was not lost, right there in that moment we found joy and laughter. We shared such a moment together in the chaos of my fallen tree that I realised that for us, Christmas was always going to look a bit different to everyone else’s – and that was OK.
“In fact, it was more than ok, it was amazing.”
For more information on supporting children with SEND including informative blogs and podcasts visit www.greatmindstogether.co.uk.