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Wondering how to last longer in the bedroom? You’re not the only one.
A report from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, found that premature ejaculation [PE] is affecting between 20 to 30% of men globally.
Now Clare Prendergast, Relate Counsellor and Sex Therapist has told The Huffington Post UK she has seen an increase in young male clients suffering with premature ejaculation.
Men who, raised on a diet of internet porn, have had their brain and responses “skewed” and are unable to last during intercourse: “We live in a very fast age and this goes against everything our body is being taught to do.”
So here are five ways, she recommends, to maintain your stamina between the sheets.
Masturbate.
It might seem like an old wives’ tale, but Prendergast confirms that masturbation is key to improving your staying power. But this isn’t just bashing one out.
Instead you need to work on developing a stop-start technique: “Men are often masturbating to just try and get off so they come as quickly as possible [as a consequence of being teenagers living with parents] – which becomes even worse during sex.
This new technique is about slowing the process down: “Getting hard or aroused but then not bringing yourself to orgasm. Let your arousal subside – go and put the kettle on – and then return. Do this two or three times before you let yourself finish,” she says.
Know your point of no return.
Learning this new masturbation technique will also help you to reconnect with your body, Prendergast says: “Men are so often told to deny their body or not show pain that their penis is no longer connected to them.”
“Everyone needs to know their ‘point of no return’ so to speak, know when your body is reaching orgasm. Because after this point, for men, there is nothing they can do about it.”
Knowing what this feels like in your own body will help you judge whether you should withdraw from intercourse and engage in something else, like oral.
Take up sport.
You might already be a gym bunny but this isn’t about toning up, it is about reconnecting with your physical body.
Dead lifting your personal best might help you to look good in bed, but pushing your body to pain limits doesn’t help with the physical disassociation problem. “Lots of my clients have all these muscles but are coming in two seconds,” explains Prendergast.
“Instead, you need to try and feel more at home in your own skin”, by doing a couple of lifts and thinking about how it is making your body feel. You can also try Kegel exercises.
Talk to your partner.
If part of your problem is the expectations of your partner, see if they are able to part of the solution too to stop the inevitable “roll-on-roll-off” cycle of sex.
Prendergast says that some of her clients only want penetrative sex, without foreplay, and for males to last as long as females in this way is difficult: “If you get five minutes of thrusting from a man then you’re doing well.”
“We are a mass of arousal sites that can be stimulated to incredible pleasure. And lots of us are really ignorant about how our bodies work.”
Remember you aren’t on your own.
“Lots of my male clients also come in with erectile dysfunction, and the two can be related – they are so mortified that they came quickly they then get ED.”
“But remember you are not alone and the worst thing you can do here is pretend that it is not a problem. You matter, you are worth it and you can recover your sex life.”