Your Romanticism period is over, the relationship is set in stone (sort of) and daily chores, perhaps even kids, ensure you keep your feet set firmly in reality. The reality that isn't anywhere reminiscent of what you thought your life together would be like.
Your new reality is now filled with some boredom and somewhat loneliness. You show each other that you care by watching Netflix together after a dinner that you simply can't move anywhere else but to the nearest couch. Your love texts are now reminder-notes: "remember milk for Tony!"
"When we have made our love, and gamed our gaming,
Drest, voted, shone, and, may be, something more;
With dandies dined; heard senators declaiming;
Seen beauties brought to market by the score;
Sad rakes to sadder husbands chastely taming;
There's little left but to be bored or bore."
Lord Byron
And yet not everything is lost, and it is possible to keep romance alive, in sparks, between your working hours and daily obligations.
In order to do so, we need to take it back a step. And start it not by pleasing your partner, but rebuilding your confidence. Find an evening that will be entirely yours (negotiate/arrange if necessary), book reading club, gym or whatever your excuse may be, but be sure that whichever activity you are going to sign up for there will be a handy number of the sex you are attracted to. The reason behind, you'll need to spice up your appearance and look more attractive for the activity of your choice. It's human nature. At home, you have no one to compete with, at the activity, a whole new world!
Once the evening is chosen and you are fully committed to your 'me-time' where you are surrounded with people giving you compliments (ah yes... that's the whole goal of the 'me-time'; and give yourself extra brownie points every time you get more than one compliment per event), it's your time to give some of the compliments to your darling. One or two genuine compliments every other day would suffice. Just ensure they are not directed at their cooking or earning abilities, but something that reminds them of their own sexual attractiveness. It's quite an art, so start gently and support every compliment with an action if possible:
- I forgot how soft your skin is (and immediately start touching the softest bit of your darling's skin)
- Love your curls (touch hair and give a loving look, perhaps even a gentle kiss)
- You look so handsome! (when one wears something that really suits him or her)
Now that the rapport is back, every time you look at each other, look into their eyes, directly, lovingly and only for a second or two longer than you're used to. To help you, try figuring out the colour of the eyes. Has the colour changed? Or is it exactly as you remember?
Once you establish that you care about your darling and yet you definitely have your 'me-zone' (your earlier chosen activity class), it's time to think about your quality time together. Start off gently; get a longer lunch break at work for a day your darling can join you. Plan a low profile night out to start with, just a movie or a dinner date. Most people think that in order to rekindle romance you need to take big steps, in reality that may frighten your partner (no matter how much he or she wants it) and make one suspicious of your behaviour. Besides, you don't want to splash out on a big break, before you are certain that the two of you are back to enjoying spending time together.
Most people that are cheating are not really looking for a new relationship, although some may well end up in one, they are trying to escape the reality of mundane daily life. Hence the straplines that websites like Ashley Madison use: "Life is short...", "Married but Feeling neglected?". They prey on your inability to water your own grass and provide an illusion that the grass is always greener... elsewhere. Which is definitely the case, should you neglect your very own lawn ;-)