If your child is strong-willed you might find yourself facing multiple losing battles on a daily basis.
All of a sudden you find yourself reasoning with this tiny person over the most ridiculous (in your eyes) things such as whether they should put a hat on, which they absolutely definitely do not want to do because they’re not done playing.
You might ask them to leave the park but they’re determined to finish what they were doing and suddenly a full-on meltdown ensues. You watch them play with others and see they’re always the one to take charge, which is fine until someone else tries to be the leader and all hell breaks loose.
If this all sounds very relatable, a parenting coach on TikTok has shared a hack that’s apparently “going to change your life.”
Rachael Rogers helps parents get their children to listen and learn lessons “without having to yell at them, threaten or punish them.”
She advises that instead of making demands or commands – which might involve telling your kid what to do and then having to yell, threaten or punish them to get them to do it – parents can instead ask questions and get their child to critically think about the scenario for themselves.
So basically, a more collaborative approach.
“All children have a basic need for some sense of power and control,” she explains in a video that’s been viewed 1.3 million times. “But with strong-willed children, this need is even greater.”
Strong-willed children typically demonstrate the following traits: exuberance, independence, determination, outspokenness, and at times highly emotionality and inflexibility, according to Parents With Confidence.
Rogers says strong-willed parents will often find themselves power struggling with their strong-willed child, which as we all know, can end in tears.
Regular over-disciplining, such as shouting and punishing, can also ultimately lead to poor emotional regulation and more behavioural problems in the future.
So what does this hack look like in real life? The parenting coach shares the example that you’re about to go out and there are lots of toys on the floor.
She suggests you could say something like: “What do you think would happen with your toys if we leave them out with the dog? Yeah, the dog could chew them up. Are you ok with that? No I’m not either. So what should we do about that?”
Of course, this doesn’t always work. In response to her TikTok video, one mum said her child responded: “Yeah, I don’t like those toys anyway.” While another added: “My strong-willed child would say, ‘just close the door.’” Ah, kids.
Another said: “My strong-willed child would say: ‘yeah it’s okay if the dog chews them up.’” To which the parenting coach responded: “Then I’d say, ‘okay would you like to trash them or donate them?’”
Angela Pruess, a child therapist and parenting coach, believes parents of strong-willed children should establish themselves as strong and respectful leaders, rather than dictators or doormats.
Like Rogers, she also recommends a collaborative approach, as well as communicating with a tone of positivity and teamwork, rather than harshness and negativity, because kids respond better to that.
And who knows, your kid will probably end up being the next Prime Minister or something.