So you’ve put your heart on the line and fallen in love with someone. They’re great, and you’re very happy. It’s been a couple of months/years. You’ve grown comfortable with each other.
You obviously love your partner. But how do you ensure you manage to stay in love with each other, maintain a healthy relationship and keep the spark alive after so many years of being together?
The couples app Paired’s In-House Relationship Expert Moraya Seeger DeGeare has spoken to HuffPost UK about how couples can ensure that they stay in love for the long haul, avoid the standard relationship pitfalls and overcome challenges together.
Accept change
“Staying in love with your partner comes from a place of deep intimacy. We need to continue to be curious about who our partners are as we grow older together and also about ourselves as we honour that we simply are not the same people we were when the relationship started. Leaning into change will be the best thing we can do in relationships,” says DeGeare.
Try not to hold on to the past and what your relationship used to be like because you are not the same person that you were even a week ago, let alone two months ago.
Working on who we are and finding out more about our own selves can help you find and experience more love in our relationships, says DeGeare.
Embrace difficult times
One big worry when it comes to being in a relationship is that you can fall into those standard relationship pitfalls like arguing about the tiniest things, lack of trust and communication, falling into the same monotonous routine and losing all the excitement that made your relationship fun in the first place.
So how does one go about trying to avoid falling into that mess?
Relationship pitfalls are inevitable. It is usually due to compromises made on quality time together, communication, and reliability. And it is never too late to work on your relationship together to keep it happy and healthy.
“Embrace that you will have seasons when other things are taking your energy and time,” says DeGeare. “What is key is that you take moments to prioritise the relationship and be honest with yourself about how much you can be showing up for and with your partner.”
“If you notice that you both are feeling lonely, talking about it will certainly help, but be curious about what behaviours you have as a couple that are reinforcing disconnection and whether you can be brave to slowly work on making active choices for connection. It’s a bit like steering a ship,” she adds.
Get back on track
Getting off course is normal. But trying to find a way back on track that works for you both can be done through mutual understanding of what a healthy and satisfying relationship is for you and your partner.
Some tips to stay connected with your partner include spending quality time together, even if it is something basic like going to the gym together or running errands and listening to each other, respecting each other’s boundaries and helping each other through your problems.
Another tip DeGeare offers is keeping the line of communication open. Having regular check-ins about how you’re feeling and addressing problems head on will help you stay connected with your partner.
Relationships are hard work. Falling in love and keeping that spark alive is no easy task. It requires equal contribution from all parties involved. Don’t beat yourself up if you go through off days, but make sure you and your partner work together to ensure you get back on track and don’t lose the spark along the way.