So you have grown a baby, your baby has come out one way or another, you have fed it, stayed up all night and day with it but now it's time to get a small piece of your life back. The thought of going out on your own is daunting and going out at night with no children in the dark is scary but also exciting.
Here are some top tips on how to get yourself out there and how to survive it.
Select your crew
Don't go out with your friends that still go out every weekend, these people have a tolerance for alcohol and never left the game, you won't be able to keep up with them and it's going to end up messy. Pick your friends that know when to call it a night.
Plan the babysitter
You need to get a babysitter that you can trust and you know can handle any situation, if you don't you will be worrying all night. Ideally your other half is the best bet as they will know what they are doing. If possible try and get a lie in the next day or even better, a sleepover elsewhere.
Planning getting ready
It pretty much takes me 24 hours to get ready, this will involve a hair wash and a good hour of hair straightening the night before. Plan your outfit, work out what you can squeeze into and just go with it. You just need to cover the basics, clean hair, clean clothes and a bag that isn't the baby's changing bag (unless you are using your Tiba and Marl clutch). During nap time start the make up process and continue when you can after that.
Protect yourself
Inevitability if you get changed into your going out clothes whilst still in charge of children something will get food/sick/poo on it and if you're like me you won't have any spare clothes, so save getting changed until you are off duty. I have been known to wear a shower cap in the day to save my "going out" hair before a night out. However, make sure it's not denting your forehead as it is similar to a sock mark on your ankle, not a great look.
What's your poison?
Suddenly you are presented with "what do you want to drink?" Errr, thoughts are white wine = get too drunk, red wine = will fall asleep at the table, vodka and coke = will be up all night, so there is only one answer: Prosecco! Yes I'm late to the game with this one but it's now tried and tested, I can drink a whole bottle of fizz and still function the next day. The rules are only fizz. NOTHING else can touch your lips or an instant hangover will occur.
Getting into the swing of things
It will feel weird you are out and you are surrounded by adults that can hold a conversation about things that are not kids. In my experience just keep quiet otherwise you will make a social faux pas and there will be tumble weed, for me this happens all the time, I just don't know "cool" anymore. Observe and take mental notes for your next outing. Obviously someone will ask you about your kids and then you can just bore them with every detail and depending how drunk you are you could even go into your birth, everyone loves a good birth story, right?
Taxi for Dave
It's that time of the night when it's starting to get a bit hazy and the word shots has been whispered, it's make or break. The kids are fine, you know you have a clear easy day tomorrow so it's sink or swim. My 1st night out did end up with Jagerbombs but as much as I felt it the next day it felt good.
REMEMBER YOUR KEY
I don't think I have to really tell you the thought process you go through when you are drunk and you have forgotten your key. You start to think about maybe sleeping on the porch, it wouldn't be that bad, it's not that cold? Or could I break into the house? Or alternatively I could ring my mum? ANYTHING not to have to wake your kids and husband.
Quietly quietly
Since you have had kids you have learnt lots of new skills, you need to use your silent ninja skills to slip into bed, and then you will probably just pass out in a happy drunk way.
The next day you are going to feel rough but you will also be buzzy off the fact you have entered back into the world of the living and even though you're not ready for nights out all the time it's good to be back now and again.