Sex plays a big part in most relationships, but some of us find talking about it difficult – even with our partner.
In fact, 40% of Brits “never” or “rarely” chat about sex in their relationship and more than half (54%) say conversations about sex are “awkward”.
We’re also worried how these conversations will be received. Over a third (35%) of people avoid bringing up the topic, because they’re nervous how their partner will react.
But the study, carried out by sexual wellness experts Sinful, suggests communication might actually be the biggest secret to a better sex life.
Of the 2,000 people surveyed, 84% of those who said they’re good at talking about sex also said they’re sexually satisfied. Conversely, this only applies to 35% of those who are not good at talking.
“The conversation about intimacy and sex is hugely important,” said Mathilde Mackowski, founder of Sinful. “When we are curious about each other, the desire to play grows – and with play comes a passion for life. Both as individuals and as couples.”
So, how can we start speaking to our partners about sex without it feeling awkward? HuffPost UK asked Counselling Directory member Georgina Smith for a few pointers.
5 tips for speaking to your partner about sex:
- Pick your time carefully.
Choose a time when you are on your own, in private and able to commit to a full conversation. Sometimes talking about sex can feel better to do straight after sex, when two people feel really connected. Sometimes that wouldn’t be the right time, it depends on the couple and the day/time in question. - Commit to a conversation at some point in future and stick to it.
Like anything we tend to avoid, if we have committed to it, we are less likely to put it off. Try saying to your partner ‘I really want to talk to you about our sex life, can we talk later this evening?’ - Tone and language are key
If you are having a delicate conversation where you are wanting to feedback to your partner about what you want and need sexually, make sure you don’t sound critical. Use positive words around the subject, so, rather than ‘I don’t like when you do…’, you could say something like ‘I love it when you do… can we do more of that?’ - Encourage your partner to talk with effective listening
Make eye contact and really take on board what they are saying. By leading the way in trying to overcome your awkwardness, this should help to make your partner feel less awkward too. - Keep consistently having these conversations
The more you practice talking about sex, the better you will be at doing that. Just like sex itself!