There I was hurriedly hoovering yesterday when I ran out of cord. Do I run up the stairs and move it down or....hmm, I thought, "Do I really have to reach every nook and corner down here?" To which my inner queen's voice yelled a resounding "No!" Then I heard a surprisingly funny thought, "I don't do perfect when it comes to hoovering!"
Next thoughts? "What can I do 'perfect' on then? When is 'perfect' allowable? Can I be a selective perfectionist?" (Yes, if you are wondering, I do often have conversations with my Self like this! It's an HSP thing!)
This is what I came up with. I go for 'perfect' when I am editing or following a recipe, stuff like that. Of course it doesn't necessarily mean it comes out perfectly. Ideas, for instance, are never perfect and the best of recipes can certainly fail.
Being 'perfect' and being a 'perfectionist'
are 2 different things.
I gave up perfectionism decades ago! What a relief. However, I will unapologetically try for 'perfect' on some things, like making sure there are no typos in this article. (Now I know for sure some perfectionist out there is going to search for one...should I give them one?)
Now I decide pro-actively what I choose to be 'perfect' about. This is vastly different than believing from the bottom of my soul that I am not good enough unless I am 'perfect'. Perfect at what? Perfect how? Perfect when? I never could answer these questions.
I was stuck with the angst of being an
unfulfilled perfectionist.
I was stuck with the angst of being an
unfulfilled perfectionist.
Now I am a selective perfectionist. I put it down to having a good sense of 'meaningful control' in my life. This is one of our most helpful concepts when working with women, especially HSPs, who are burned out. This concept evolved from my own struggles with burnout and perfectionism in the past. Having embraced it also means I'm pretty ok with goofing-up because if you want to get something 'perfect', say choosing a paint colour for a room, then if you are anything like me, it might take a few tries! In the past, not finding the perfect colour on the first go would have been a personal failure. Now, I'm more likely to laugh or cringe. Hey...it's just paint.
So, there is an upside to boring hoovering, it's good for thinking about stuff... even unperfect ideas like this.
Here's One Great Tip!
Our challenge for you is to be a selective perfectionist. Start by loving your 'perfect' side. Know what it's great for!
Then make a list of no more than 5 things that you are happy to be 'perfect' about, even if it means doing it over and over again. Of course you will make mistakes, you can't be perfect without them. Next list a few things off the top of your head that you vow you will never try to be perfect about again! There. that's meaningful control.
Next time someone says "You shouldn't try to do something perfectly", just smile knowingly. Carry on and be perfect!