When somebody close to you dies, the world comes to a standstill. Life as you knew it has changed for good and you somehow need to process the loss of those memories, as well as knowing you’re losing future memories with the loved one.
Strangely, it never gets easier, either. Every loss is a gut punch.
That’s why, when people ask you how they can help, or what you need from them, it’s hard to even begin to process how to answer it. There’s already too much happening.
To tackle this, HuffPost UK spoke exclusively with Claire Collins, Bereavement
Counsellor at UK’s leading end of life charity, Marie Curie, to learn more about we can help those in the throes of grief.
Six ways to support someone who is grieving
Keep in touch
Collins said: “It’s important to reach out following a bereavement, even if you just send them a text so they know you are thinking of them.”
However, she added, you may not get an immediate reply.
“Please be patient with them as they may be finding things overwhelming, so let them come to you or reply when they are ready. Thoughtful gestures like inviting them for a coffee or to go for a walk can really help.”
Be a good listener
Collins explained that sometimes, letting the loved one get it all out can be a great help and advised: “If they want to talk, give them space to do so. Allow them to open up about how they’re feeling or what they’re going through.
“Try to be understanding and let the bereaved person know they’re in a safe space and can express how they’re feeling without being judged. Try to stay with the person’s own experience of loss without offering up your own experiences, or others’, experience of deaths.”
Focus on their experience
While it may feel like a sensitive subject, oftentimes, those going through a loss would love to talk about the person they’re grieving.
Collins urged: “Don’t be afraid to mention the person who has died as many people appreciate the chance to talk about their loved one. If you knew the person, you could share a nice memory of the person they’ve grieving for.”
Provide practical help
Collins recommended that instead of asking what you can do, taking practical jobs off their hands such as cooking meals, picking up shopping or helping them sort their affairs can be a great way to support friends and relatives.
After the funeral
Collins said: “We often hear from bereaved people that they get lots of support immediately after a bereavement, but soon after the funeral, this support fades away. So consider checking in periodically throughout the year, especially ahead of any special of potentially difficult dates such as Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries.”
Get them support
For many people, talking to friends or family is all the support they need when they’re grieving. However, some people may feel more comfortable sharing difficult feelings with someone who doesn’t know them and may benefit from seeking professional support through services like bereavement counselling or contacting the Marie Curie Support Line for free.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief you can call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 for free between 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 11am to 5pm on Saturdays.
Callers can be matched with a specially trained volunteer to have regular bereavement support sessions over the phone. Their matched volunteer will provide them with a safe space to talk and a listening ear, and they will be able to access up to six telephone sessions.