London 2012 Olympics. Gosh, we did that well, didn't we? We've smashed our Beijing record, we're good at more than one sport, and beyond all hope and expectation, the public transport system didn't grind to a shuddering halt.
Hasn't it been exciting? Aren't you glad you stayed in London for it? You've not even really begrudged having to hear Heather Small belting out that God awful song, or being reminded about the continuing existence of Brian May, and his resistance to hairdressers for a staggering 36 years.
(Don't read this bit, Mum) You regret bunking off PE at school a bit now, don't you? It's probably too late now, isn't it? But WAIT! There are some oldies competing in the Olympics. You can be 40 and still row. What about the lass who only started rowing four years ago? I could be an Olympic rower. Except that I don't really like rowing very much. I like the look of the Velodrome, but I don't really like spin classes and it's the same thing, right? I reckon windsurfing could be fun. But how the eff do you get into that..?
My stream of consciousness was interrupted by Maya, an inspired/generous with praise friend and colleague, as we wandered back from watching the Olympic triathlon triumph of the remarkable Alistair Brownlee. I say remarkable, really just because he won a gold medal, which I believe to be difficult, but I don't really know that much about triathlons and what constitutes as remarkable in this context, if I'm honest.
"Why don't you try every Olympic sport and write a blog about it?"
So that's what I'm doing, and now, for the sake of clarity, some specifics about the challenge...
First and foremost, in case by some random chance you're reading this and you're not a direct relative of mine, "Inspire a Jen" won't mean very much, unless you also happen to have registered that my name is Jen. Otherwise, it just looks like I can't spell.
Secondly, the important business of rules. And these really are important, as some good friends of mine often point out, the rules help to control the fun.
I have to complete at least one event for each Olympic sport that women currently compete in, over the course of a year. So, when I say event, I don't mean on a competitive basis, but for example, if I'm rowing, I have to row the distance that would be rowed in the actual Olympic event, with the correct number of people etc, I can't just "try rowing a bit". This does not apply to the triathlon, because, well, I'll die.
In case you're clinically insane and you think this sounds quite easy, I'm going to let you - OCJOG (the Organising Committee of the Jen Olympic Games) - decide which events I participate in. OCJOG is headed up by Maya Freedman (she's Seb Coe, if you will) and Ruth Brown (she's the woman on the news that you guess is quite important but ultimately gets lumbered with explaining why the seats are empty and why the outraged lady from Hackney who likes tennis can't get a ticket). Also, because we all know that no democracy is perfect, I'm not diving off a 10m platform, no matter how many of you tell me to do it, because, well, I'll die.
Get involved in the OCJOG by email: inspireajen@gmail.com
Or on Twitter: @inspireajen
Now, for your viewing pleasure, a list of every single women's Olympic event, as per the London 2012 Olympic games. Easy, right?
1. Archery
•Individual
•Team
2. Athletics
•100m
•200m
•400m
•800m
•1500m
•5000m
•10,000m
•Marathon
•3000m Steeplechase
•100m Hurdles
•400m Hurdles
•High Jump
•Pole Vault
•Long Jump
•Shot Put
•Discus Throw
•Hammer Throw
•Javelin Throw
•Heptathlon
•20km Race Walk
•4 x 100m Relay
•4 x 400m Relay
4. Badminton
•Singles
•Doubles
•Mixed Doubles
5. Basketball
6. Beach volleyball
7. Boxing
8. Canoe - Slalom
•Kayak (K1)
9. Canoe - Sprint
•Kayak Single (K1) 500m
•Kayak Double (K2) 500m
•Kayak Four (K4) 500m
•Kayak Single (K1) 200m
10. Cycling - BMX Racing
11. Cycling - Mountain Bike, Cross Country
12. Cycling - Road
•Road Race
•Individual Time Trial
13. Cycling - Track
•Sprint
•Keirin
•Team Sprint
•Team Pursuit
•Omnium
14. Diving
•3m Springboard
•3m Synchronised Springboard
•10m Platform
•10m Synchronised Platform
15. Equestrian - Dressage
•Individual
•Team
16. Equestrian - Eventing
•Individual
•Team
17. Equestrian - Jumping
•Individual
•Team
18. Fencing
•Individual Foil
•Individual Epee
•Individual Sabre
•Team Foil
•Team Epee
19. Football
20. Gymnastics - Artistic
•Individual All-Around
•Vault
•Uneven Bars
•Beam
•Floor Exercise
•Team
21. Gymnastics - Rhythmic
•Individual All-Around
•Team All-Around
22. Gymnastics - Trampoline
23. Handball
24. Hockey
25. Judo
26. Modern pentathlon
27. Rowing
•Single Sculls
•Pair
•Double Sculls
•Lightweight Double Sculls
•Quadruple Sculls
•Eight
28. Sailing
•RS-X
•Laser Radial
•470
•Elliott 6m
29. Shooting
•10m Air Rifle
•50m Rifle 3 Positions
•25m Pistol
•10m Air Pistol
•Trap
•Skeet
30. Swimming
•50m Freestyle
•100m Freestyle
•200m Freestyle
•400m Freestyle
•800m Freestyle
•100m Backstroke
•200m Backstroke
•100m Breaststroke
•200m Breaststroke
•100m Butterfly
•200m Butterfly
•200m Individual Medley
•400m Individual Medley
•4 x 100m Freestyle Relay
•4 x 200m Freestyle Relay
•4 x 100m Medley Relay
•10km Marathon
31. Synchronized swimming
•Duets
•Team
32. Table tennis
•Team
•Singles
33. Taekwondo
34. Tennis
•Singles
•Doubles
•Mixed Doubles
35. Triathlon
36. Volleyball
37. Water polo
38. Weightlifting
39. Wrestling - Freestyle wrestling