Those who’ve been in a long-term relationship in their lives know that sometimes the frequency of sex in the honeymoon period doesn’t always carry through to later into the relationship.
Something Former Take That singer Robbie Williams, 49, can relate to as he recently shared that “everyone knows there’s no sex after marriage. That’s just the way it is.”
While that may be a bit of a sweeping statement, there is some truth behind what Robbie says. Approximately 15% of married couples are sexless and some spouses haven’t had sex with each other at all in the past six months to a year.
But is not having sex after being together for years really that big of a problem?
Williams doesn’t reckon so. Speaking to The Sun, he said: “No sex in a marriage is only a problem if you’re on different pages; if one person wants it, and the other doesn’t; if you have different expectations or requirements.”
Williams, who married his wife, actress and Loose Women star Ayda Field, 43, in August 2010, shared that his libido has dropped after he stopped taking the testosterone he was using to treat his depression.
He credited the testosterone with boosting the couple’s sex drive, saying they “couldn’t keep our hands off each other” and were “insatiable”.
As relationship-boosting as it was, a worry about becoming addicted to the drug made him come off it: “I was on testosterone for a while but, because I’m an addict, that had to stop.”
The couple, who have four children together - Theodora (Teddy), 10, Charlton, eight, Colette (Coco), four, and Beau, three - do still try to be physically intimate, but they’ve also found other ways to connect with each other romantically, says Ayda: “Intimacy is the important, meaningful side of love. We’re happy.
“I think people confuse sex for intimacy. We are always cuddling and kissing, holding hands, and touching each other when we are just watching TV on the sofa, or a movie, or whatever.”
Finding other ways to enjoy romance is something Jessica Alderson, relationships expert and co-founder of So Syncd agrees can work if sex isn’t on the table anymore: “For a marriage to thrive without sexual intimacy, both partners need to be on the same page and view sex in a similar way.
“We all have different priorities in relationships, and if sex is low down for both parties, a marriage without sex can still be fulfilling, provided there are other ways of connecting and maintaining intimacy.”
Can a relationship withstand a lack of sex in a marriage? After all, one of the main causes of divorce is lack of intimacy. “It all depends on the individuals involved and the dynamic of their relationship,” explains Alderson.
“While sex can be an important aspect of marriage, it isn’t the only way to maintain connection and love. Emotional support, practical care, and non-sexual physical contact are all ways of communicating love and understanding that don’t involve sex.
“Where problems can arise is when one partner wants sexual intimacy and the other doesn’t. This can lead to feelings of frustration, hurt, and disappointment if the two can’t find a way to bridge their discrepancy in sexual desire.”
Should there be any cause for concern if you’re both not feeling in the mood anymore?
“If there has been a marked change in someone’s sex drive, the first port of call is to explore the reasons, as there may be underlying issues that need to be addressed,” says Alderson.
According to the expert, there are many different factors that can affect libido – from physical and mental health to genetics and medications. In many cases, seeking professional help from a doctor or therapist can be beneficial.
“However, some people just naturally have low libidos or don’t place as much importance on sex in their relationships. If the two of you agree that a sexless marriage is the way forward, then it’s possible to have a loving and fulfilling relationship,” adds Alderson, stressing that communication between both parties is essential, especially when it comes to being open about their desires.
The bottom line? Alderson says: “Ultimately, sex is only one way to express love. Sexless marriages can still be happy and successful, provided both partners are on the same page and are getting their needs for intimacy met in other ways.
“It’s even possible to feel a sense of romance without sex, particularly if you make time for dates nights and other activities to keep the spark alive.”
They may not be working up a sweat in the bedroom anymore, but Robbie stills feels passionately about Ayda.
In a post last year for their wedding anniversary, Robbie made a speech saying: “I’m gobsmacked that I get to be married to you. We’ve been together 17 years and I love you more today than I did on our wedding day.” Awww!