As a parent it can be difficult to navigate ‘sibling rivalry’ between your kids. Whether you have two kids or more, rivalry requires you to have a lot of patience.
Fitness coach Joe Wicks is no stranger to dealing with this very situation. As a dad-of-three with a fourth child on the way, he says he finds dealing with sibling rivalry between his kids quite difficult.
Speaking to BBC’s Tiny Happy People, Joe revealed how life has been with his kids, five-year-old Indie, four-year-old Marley and 19-month-old Leni.
He likened it to feeling like a referee when his children are fighting with each other.
“Being patient, understanding and compassionate when they’re fighting, that’s the hardest part for me.
“That’s kind of difficult at times. So, the more I read about parenting and understand my child, the better I can react and interact with them,” Joe explained.
Though they might argue, Joe says Indie and Marley are very good with Leni and are extremely excited at the thought of anther baby in the house as “they’re really nurturing to Leni. They love cuddling her.”
What to do if your children are fighting
While there are many things parents can do if their kids are fighting, there’s one thing that Denis Liam Murphy, a high performance coach and author of The Blame Game: How To Recover From The World’s Oldest Addiction, recommends parents don’t do.
And that’s telling siblings to just apologise.
“Instead of relying on apologies as a quick fix, it is important to address the fundamental cause of the conflict,” he tells HuffPost UK.
“Apologies can be helpful, but most of the time they are superficial and act as a bandaid.”
That’s not to say there isn’t a place for apologising, but Murphy points out it is often “the go to solution” – and we rely on it too heavily.
Experts at Aha! Parenting suggest rather than focusing on saying sorry, it’s better to help siblings communicate their wants and needs, and to encourage them to listen to each other.
And in the case of younger siblings, it’s definitely key to wait until any anger has subsided to get started.
You might also want to suggest ideas for repairing the situation – but leave it to the siblings to decide what they actually do, rather than forcing anything on them.