Sometimes I just need to write. It's not always interesting or blog-worthy - sometimes it's published, sometimes it's not - but for me, these kind of posts highlight the exact reason I started my blog. The kind of posts that don't get titles until they're written because you just don't know what route they will take. To me, there is something really great about that. These kind of posts either end up being an irrelevant brain dump or they end up being quite deep - something that I'm really feeling inside and it's always important to remember why I do this. Why I started my blog, who I am, what I stand for.
So what are all those things? Why did I start my blog? What do I stand for? I think that by now, anyone who reads my blog probably knows the answer to this. My passion is mental health and since I started my blog that mental health aspect is something I'm constantly working on, every day. I didn't think it would take this route but it has and I do it because it helps. It helps me and (I think) it helps others so, if you suffer from a mental illness, this one's for you.
There's a good chance that you won't believe a single word that you read here. That's okay though - I do get it - this time last year I too didn't believe a word anybody told me. But one day you will, and this post is here for that day. Not only that day, many days I hope. The days where your faith has gone and you're no longer hopeful; the days where everything has gone wrong; the days where nothing has gone wrong but you still feel awful; the days that you've lost who you are; the days that you think you're weak; the days that nothing will help; the days that you feel that you can't go on.
Hear it from me (well, read it), you can. You can go on and you will. Now the reality is, it's not down to me whether you go on or not, it's down to you. That's the point. When you feel like you no longer have a choice, remind yourself that you do. Remind yourself that some days are bloody awful. Some days just can't be faced at all. But your worst day can only ever be a day. Every single day has the same amount of time and when that time is up the sun will rise and a new day will start, no matter what. Allow your bad day to last for only a day. Sure, there are phases. I find that sometimes I'll wake up anxious one morning and it would last until the following week but the point I'm making is that it always ends. What's that saying? Something like, bad news is: nothing lasts forever. The good news is: nothing lasts forever. Remember that in those times of complete and utter despair there is always something. I'm talking from my own experience here. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, something would happen that reminded me of 'the other side' of life. Something good would happen at work. My favourite movie would be on. Someone would send me a message. My boyfriend would bring me chocolates. My three year old brother would say 'Hannah, can you play this with me?'
I think I'm rambling - probably about nothing - but the point is that there is always something and when you can't see it, look. Some days you have to search really damn hard and some days you won't have the energy to look at all but I just ask that you try. Try and find that one thing in each day that reminds of you why you're still here. When you can't see anything, remember. Remember life before this and what made you happy. What really keeps you going? Think of that. Think of recovery and how beautiful it is to experience life when it's good. Think about others who have recovered or who are in recovery and let them inspire you. The bottom line here is that it's not easy but it's possible. Anyone can recover. You can and will. Just like I am.