Michelle Obama has opened up about the importance of not directing a ton of negativity and criticism at kids – and it’s a powerful reminder for parents and non-parents alike.
In the first episode of her new podcast, the former First Lady said sometimes when we walk into a room, we can greet our kids with “a critical eye”.
Offering an example of that, she reflected on a time when her eldest daughter Malia walked into her hotel room with creased clothing.
She said it was probably the second time she’d seen her daughter that morning and the first thing she pointed out to her was that she had “wrinkly” clothes.
“And then I thought: I did it. I greeted her – [and] instead of [saying] what I felt, which is ‘Sit on my lap, give me a kiss,’ I’m fixing things. I’m pointing out, ‘Oh my god, your hair is not right here,’” she said in a conversation with Today Show host Hoda Kotb.
Obama, who is 58, reflected on something novelist Toni Morrison once said, which is that “our kids just want our gladness”.
“They don’t need us to fix them. They don’t need us to point out the thing that’s wrong first,” she said.
Obama also spoke about how adults more generally – regardless of whether we have children or not – need to be careful with how we communicate with young people more widely, as out in the world we can “dehumanise kids”.
“When we don’t see kids as our own, sometimes you attack them like they’re a grown up ... they’re nuisances, and as adults, showing them that leaves a mark on them. We have to remember they’re still young people and we are still the models of showing them the best parts of themselves,” she said.
The mother-of-two and author of The Light We Carry said she is now “on the other side of parenting” as her daughters are grown up. She also spoke about how she’s finally come into her own in her 50s.
She added that it’s been “a lovely thing to be able to watch my girls fly and have the relief that, ‘OK I didn’t mess them up’.”
The first episode of Michelle Obama’s The Light Podcast is available on Audible.