How does dating work when you’re the parents of small children? Here’s a clue: it doesn’t.
For one, it involves paying a babysitter an eye-watering £10 an hour, bringing the total cost of a quick trip to the cinema and a bite to eat to roughly £100.
And then there’s the fact your toddler, who before this point wouldn’t have cared if you’d left him alone with the cat to fend for himself for three weeks, will inevitably become clingy and hysterical at the very idea of Mummy and Daddy, or Mummy and Mummy, or Daddy and Daddy (delete as appropriate) going out together for the evening.
“Don’t go!” they will wail, with a bottom lip quivering at a magnitude of at least 7.9, meaning ‘major earthquake with serious damage’. “Don’t leeeeeave meeeee!”
Still, if you do manage to find someone to look after your children for the evening – or, halcyon dreams, a whole night – the chances are you might even start to remember what your partner looks like when they’re not wearing an Elsa tiara and a fake plait.
But how easy is it? New research shows while a reported 67% of us agree that date nights are “really important” for new parents, many find it virtually impossible due to a lack of time, tiredness and money.
The researchers suggest that ‘micro-dating’ with your partner can help – and it won’t take longer than five minutes. In fact, the whole premise of micro-dating appears to be taking a fraction of a moment out of your crazy day to pause and remember that your partner actually exists.
That might be: sharing a morning cup of tea together before you both go off to work, getting in a quick cuddle in between your alarm blaring and the snooze button going off, or calling each other at lunchtime to ‘check in’.
Most couples work as a ‘tag team’ – myself included. We usually go out separately and literally high-five each other in passing – one comes in from work, and the other hands over the kids and leaves. We joke about being ‘passing ships’ – but micro-dating involves using whatever spare time you have to concentrate on building intimacy.
I’m not convinced micro-dating is the answer to being so terribly tired (and time-poor), but it might just be a handy reminder not to neglect the small things that keep you connected as a couple. And even though I barely have five minutes to spare, I’m willing to give it a go.
So, the next time your kids are settled in front of Peppa Pig, take a moment to ask your partner how their day was. Look at them – and really listen. It might just help you see your relationship through these twilight years until you don’t need a babysitter anymore.
And then... it’s party time.