In the space of a year, my life has changed thanks to the bundle of joy I created. I can suddenly appreciate why people say that having a child is their greatest achievement. It definitely puts my prior conquests (and I include meeting David Beckham) into perspective!
Because when you become a Mum or Dad you're suddenly thrust into a new world with its own language. From 'Dummy' to 'Yummy Mummy' and 'Milk Drunk' to 'Pump and Dump' and no one (not even NCT) tells you. So folks, I thought I'd be the person to share the inside knowledge...
A is for App
Is my baby massive? Is my baby going through a growth spurt? Is my baby constipated? Are just some of the weird questions you'll be pondering, and there's an App for every one of them. I recommend The Wonder Weeks which is amazingly accurate.
B is for Baby Bjorn
Save the money from all the alcohol you don't drink during pregnancy and put it towards every product that Baby Bjorn have ever made, especially the bouncer. Seriously, you need it.
© MilkDrunk Diary
C is for Colic
A grown up way of saying 'you have an uncontrollable noisy baby'. The good news is, you're not alone.
D is for Dreamfeed
The magic dreamfeed is something only parents know about. Every night around 10.30pm parents sneak a bottle of milk into their sleeping child, in the hope of prolonging a quiet night.
© MilkDrunk Diary, free image courtesy pixabay
E is for Ella's Kitchen
Soon enough you'll baby will be bored of milk and want food. At first you'll be rustling up dishes like a Masterchef contestant... which will last a few weeks, then you'll tire of the lack of gratitude and realise Ella's Kitchen is the way forward!
© MilkDrunk Diary
F is for Finger Food
A middle class term referencing chunks of food you give to your baby when they start to eat.
G is for Gap
Specifically Baby Gap, even more specifically - the Baby Gap Sale! You might as well move in you'll spend so much time in this shop.
H is for Huffington post Parents
When you've got no one to ask, or need a reassuring voice from another Mother, the Huffington Post Parents is your friend. You're welcome
I is for Insomnia (Mumsomnia)
The inability to sleep when your baby does.
J is for JoJo Maman Bebe
The shop you used to walk past but never go in, is now the shop you always go in and never walk past!
K is for 'Baby K'
Welcome to the world of celebrity baby ranges. And as far as they go Mylenee's 'Baby K' for Mothercare is up there.
L is for Lamaze
Toys you can trust. Which is just as well, as you'll get at least 50 once baby arrives.
M is for Milk Drunk
As the Editor of the Milk Drunk Diary, I know a thing or two about this! We define it as "The blissfully passed out baby following a satisfying feed of milk."
© Milk Drunk Diary
N is for NCT
An expensive way to make 'friends' and be lectured about the merits of breastfeeding!
O is for Onesie
Worn by a baby, or a drunk person attending a festival in Clapham.
© MilkDrunk Diary, free image courtesy pixabay
P is for Pump and Dump!
The delightful term of expressing milk.
Q is for Quinoa
Overrated grainy food you'll be living on to lose baby weight.
R is for Rooting
The cute, if not slightly odd movement a baby makes when it wants feeding.
S is for Silver Cross
The leading strollers of the stylish and famous. If K-Middy has one, we want one too!
T is for Teething granules
The most useful of all inside knowledge. This magical homeopathic white dust calms even the crankiest of teething babes. Buy in bulk.
© Milk Drunk Diary
U is for Umbilical Chord
The current 'thing' is to keep your baby attached to their chord for as long as possible, even if that means carrying it around like a bag. No judgment but, ehw.
V is for Vaccination
You may be as hard as Katie Hopkins, but the minute you see your baby having their first injection, you'll be in floods. Guaranteed.
W is for Walk-In Clinic
Lucky for you, you're going to get to know your local walk-in health clinic. And just to prepare you, they are always; a) boiling c) on top floors d) with one tiny lift e) a breeding ground for germs. At least you've been warned!
X is for XOXO
An American way of saying hugs and kisses. Yeah, go ahead and laugh, but you'll be using it on the many pictures of baby you post on Facebook.
© MilkDrunk Diary, free image courtesy pixabay
Y is for Yoga
Yoga for pregnancy, yoga for babies, yoga for yogis. I'm a bit yoga'd out already, but it's the thing to do, apparently.
Z is for Zzzzzzz
Pre-baby, you wonder how a little thing could possibly bring chaos and disorder to your life. But once they arrive, you too will fall victim to it, catching Zzzzs at every opportunity, including in front of the telly, on the bus, and yes even on the toilet!
Sophia is the Editor of parenting blog the Milk Drunk Diary, you really ought to follow her on Twitter.com/milkdrunkdiary, Facebook.com/milkdrunkdiary and Instagram.