The music goes quiet and everyone gathers for a moment to watch the beaming bride and groom take their place around the cake. Both holding the cake knife, they slowly lower it and start to cut through the tower of sponge.
The guests wait with bated breath and the bride starts to look nervous as the groom sneakily moves his hand towards the cake, and - no, he wouldn’t, surely? - grabs some cake and mushes it into her face.
It’s a tale as old as time and thought to be the ultimate wedding gag, but some on TikTok are debating how cake-in-the-face moments at weddings are the number one signifier of a looming divorce after a woman’s agony aunt column went viral.
A piece that appeared in Slate last year titled, ‘Help! I’m Divorcing My Husband Over an Insane Stunt He Pulled at Our Wedding’ has gone viral on the social media app, and tells the story of a woman who said her ‘hard and fast rule’ was that her partner wouldn’t smash cake in her face.
“Being a reasonable man who knows me well, he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my head down into it. It was planned since the cake was DESTROYED, and he had a bunch of cupcakes as backup,” she explains.
The next day, she told him she was done, and they went on to get a divorce. She says she specifically set that boundary in place as she has claustrophobia following a serious car accident and she didn’t like the thought of being held with something shoved in her face.
TikTokkers have been sharing videos with their opinions on the woman’s story, with people getting passionate about the issue in the comment section: “Starting off a marriage with an elaborate plan to cross your partner’s boundaries is wild. Wow.
Another said: “He purposely humiliated her to humble her. Glad she left or it would’ve gotten worse for her behind closed doors.”
“It’s not about cake; It’s about boundaries, safety, respect, absence of love, narcissism and red flags… Support her decision 100%,” said another commenter.
So is throwing cake in your partner’s face when they’ve set a firm boundary just a bit of wedding day hijinks, or a red flag?
“When a groom disregards the bride’s expressed boundary and proceeds to throw cake in her face despite her objection, it can be seen as a breach of trust and disrespect for her wishes,” says Dr Becky Spelman, psychologist and founder of Private Therapy Clinic.
“This behaviour may indicate a lack of consideration for the bride’s feelings and desires, which can be concerning for the future dynamics of the relationship. It raises questions about effective communication, mutual respect, and the ability to honour each other’s boundaries,” she says.
Dr Spelman says that it’s important to view the behaviour as part of a wider context: “While it’s essential not to generalise based solely on this one act, it can be seen as a red flag if the groom consistently dismisses the bride’s boundaries in other areas of their relationship.
“Respecting each other’s boundaries is a vital aspect of a healthy partnership, and when those boundaries are repeatedly ignored, it can lead to larger issues down the road.”
Could there be a less serious reason for ruining the cake on the wedding day? Co-founder and relationships expert at So Synced, Jessica Alderson, says it’s a high stress time, and bad behaviour can be one way of letting off steam for some grooms.
“When it comes to significant life events like weddings, people’s judgment can be clouded by their emotions. This is also why you see many best-man speeches that are clearly over the line,” says Alderson.
“Some grooms might throw cake in their brides’ faces to create a memorable, albeit controversial, moment during the wedding. This is particularly likely if alcohol is involved. Alcohol consumption lowers inhibitions, and the groom may think he’s entertaining his guests and that his bride will laugh it off.”
It’s hard to tell whether a bride will love or loathe some playful cake in the face, but this is where important boundary-setting, boundary-respecting and conversation comes into play. But it’s likely that your bride probably won’t want her make-up and dress ruined (which will have cost thousands of pounds), so put down the fistful of cake, dude.
Some wedding photographers are even sharing about how this time-honoured tradition is the number one signifier that the couple will be divorced in a year’s time.
Creator Professor Neil posted a video saying, “Many years ago, one of my cousins was was getting married, and I was talking to the photographer. I asked him whether he’d learned some sort of special insights or wisdom from all the weddings he’d done.
“And he told me that he had! If the couples, especially the husband, smashed the cake in their partner’s face, they were gonna be divorced within a year,” he explains.
“A little swipe of icing on the nose or mouth is cute and fine. But to violently shove cake is just a punch in disguise,” commented one person.
“Ex wedding planner here! Also if the groom’s mum is heavily involved in planning the wedding,” shared another.
So, it seems the general consensus is it’s a pretty d*ck move. Move away from the cake, boys. Your marriage will be better off for it.