I'm not one to brag but my animal instincts must have kicked in when I met my life partner. It must have been a gut feeling, or sixth sense - either way, when I met him I knew that he was going to be the father of my children.
He was different to anyone else I'd ever met.
He saw life the same way that I did and for the first time I had found someone who wanted to walk alongside me - not in front of me, not behind me...but holding my hand throughout whatever adventures or struggles we faced.
We both wanted a life PARTNER....a person who would always have your back, be your biggest cheerleader and be by your side through thick and thin.
When we fell pregnant it obviously opened us up to having some raw and honest conversations. For example... what sort of parents did we want to be? How would we raise our daughter? What was really important to us? What values did we want to instil in this tiny human we would be responsible for crafting?
It seems pretty obvious that couples would have those type of conversations when expecting a child but apparently it's not as common as you'd think.
For us - it was essential to get be clear from the beginning so that we could try to avoid any unwanted surprises down the track - basically we wanted to be on the same page from the get go.
While I was pregnant, we would lay in bed at night discussing all of the different situations that could potentially pop up throughout her life and how we planned to approach them as a united team.
It seemed pretty clear that we had a common goal to set an example for our daughter that parents are a "united team". We understood it was natural to not always agree on things but we wanted to prove to her that a partnership involves problem solving, healthy debating and compromise.
Throughout some hard moments in my pregnancy i felt so much more comfortable being able to openly communicate and receive positive support from my wingman.
I didn't ever have to feel self conscious talking about the weird things happening to my body - it was almost like a celebration when something new/weird or wonderful happened that we'd read about on Google.
"Christopher, what the hell...my nipples just sprayed everywhere!", was greeted with "Holy hell are you serious...show me"!
I didn't go through any of it alone - I shared everything with him and sometimes a little too much! But it made the foreign territory of first time pregnancy much easier to navigate when I could openly share the changes with him.
When our bear arrived in the world we chose to parent as a team - everything we do with our little one is done as a family unit so that at no point does one parent feel like they are carrying any extra stress, responsibilities or burdens than the other.
We go through our family routines together. For example, before bed...one bathes her, one feeds her, one puts her to bed while the other cleans the mess from dinner.
We tackle all of if in half the time and without either feeling under pressure. We communicate and we work around different things that pop up...but all the while keeping each other on the same page.
Some days I feel completely wrecked but I don't need to be a hero - I speak up and he will take her for an adventure while I rest OR vice versa. No-one gets to play the 'poor me' card on the more challenging days because we are both going through it together.
We both agreed early on that neither of us are mind readers and it's unfair to expect either of us to be - so our motto "speak up or forever hold your peace".
If you need 5 mins - say so
If you need to get something done - say so
If you need to shower in peace while you shave your legs and wash your hair - say so!!!
I'm not a relationship guru and I'm still wrapping my head around parenting - for example something that worked yesterday could cause a tantrum today...it's an ever changing world of beautiful chaos!
BUT I think that the reason it works for us....communication! It blows my mind that parents to be OR parents in general aren't always having these conversations or being really clear and honest with one another.
I get frustrated when mothers or fathers feel like they are carrying all of the responsibilities but have never really communicated to their partner what they need. They expect their partner to read their mind without ever really having a conversation about it - it helps to be prepared so talk about EVERYTHING - seriously, you will thank yourselves for it.