The grieving twin of former policeman David Rathband broke down on Thursday morning as he described how his brother had nobody there to help him in his "darkest moments."
His voice breaking with emotion, Darren Rathband said his brother, who was found hanged six days ago, was let down, explaining: "In his darkest moments there was nobody to help him."
He said the former officer found life "too hard" after he was blinded by Raoul Moat in July 2010 as he sat unarmed in a police patrol car.
"On the whole he was a positive man but I think sometimes in the darkest moments there was nobody to help him and he just used to say 'I want somebody to turn the lights on.' I think those are the times he was at his lowest," he told BBC Radio 5 Live on Thursday morning.
Darren broke down in tears as he discussed one of the last every conversations he had with his twin brother, when David visited him in Australia.
"I said David you need to promise me that you're not going to do anything stupid and he said he couldn't promise me and then he finished that off saying 'don't worry, I'm not going to do anything I just need you to know.' And then he said 'can i have a cup of tea?'"
Darren also vowed to finish the shift his brother started before he was shot by Moat during the killer's rampage 18 months ago.
Darren Rathband, David's twin brother
He said that he would complete shift to allow his brother to "book off".
"We're going to do that together. He'll be right with me."
The 44-year-old is also arranging a service at Newcastle cathedral on Saturday to celebrate his brother's life.
He said David, who became a national figure as he attempted to rebuild his life, could not have returned to work after the accident.
"It was just too soon. I know 18 months sounds like a long time but it was like it was yesterday. He was still seeing that man's face everyday, how could he go to work?"
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