People who cheated and didn’t get caught have revealed why they stopped doing the dirty on their partners.
Many of the confessions, posted on a Reddit thread, allude to unhappy relationships and suffering sex lives being the key root of the problem, which then led to cheating and, inevitably, guilt.
From the guy who strayed from his relationship, told his girlfriend and has lived with the pain ever since, to the couple who married other people, had an affair and have since wed each other, here are their stories...
”I was dating this guy for two years, but I was not happy at all. It was a long-distance relationship; we only saw each other a few days every couple of months. I felt like it was a one-sided relationship, I kept nurturing him and got nothing in return...On our two year anniversary, he never showed up, so I went to a show and met a bunch of new people, one of them was the person I cheated with (but not that night).
“About a month or two later, this guy and I would stay up for hours talking and it felt nice because I felt appreciated and he talked about things I could never talk about with my partner because he simply had no interest. A few days later, I invited him to go out to this bar with me and a bunch of my friends who I hadn’t seen in a while. He came along. During the night, we got drunk, and we ended up making out, it felt great tbh. We confessed our feelings for each other and that we wanted something out of it. A few days later, I went to his house while my boyfriend at the time had no idea what was happening, we had sex, we cuddled, we watched movies together, we got dinner, and he introduced me to his family and close friends.
“I ended up dumping my boyfriend at the time and got with this guy. We were together for over two years.”
“I was dating a girl I didn’t like and was too much of a coward to break it off. I found someone else and started cheating.
“They didn’t know about the existence of each other, but after some time guilt made me stop seeing both of them.”
“I went away for the summer to work at a summer stock theatre. My girlfriend at the time and I had been dating on and off for about a year. Things started off well, we talked and texted everyday. After a while talking every day turned to once or twice a week. About the last month into my contract, this girl that had been hitting on me all summer made a move and I just went with it. It was very ‘no strings attached’. She didn’t know I had a girlfriend and I never told anybody, because nobody ever asked.
“After my contract was up and I went home, my girlfriend was waiting on me and she was so happy to see me that she was in tears. It destroyed me. I was happy to see her too, but knowing what I did just crushed me. I never once felt bad about it until that moment.
“I immediately told her, I felt so guilty and knew I had to tell her. Her happy tears turned to sad and angry ones. She yelled and cried and yelled more. I ended the relationship because I thought she deserved someone better than me. We still keep in touch and are friends, but I always wonder what would have happened had I not cheated. She’s forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself. This was several years ago and I still feel like a piece of shit.”
“I didn’t love him anymore. It had been a year since we last had sex or even kissed. It was an unhealthy relationship to say the least. I went out one night and got too drunk and hooked up with someone. That’s how I realised I didn’t love him, because I didn’t even feel guilty after. It was such a relief to experience human contact again.
“I ended things shortly after. He doesn’t know, telling him what I did would have made a bad breakup even worse.”
“Didn’t get caught. Was having second thoughts about my girlfriend anyway, and I made out with another girl while drunk at a bar. Broke up with my girlfriend like a week later for a few other reasons. Never told her as it would just make her question herself. Better for her happiness that she never found out.
“Still bothers me that I did that, and won’t ever do it again.”
“My current wife and I were madly, deeply in love with one another, but we were both married to other people. When we found out how we both felt about one another, we immediately started dating, including sleeping with one another. This carried on for a year and a half, until we left our spouses for each other.
“We both feel absolutely terrible about being unfaithful to our spouses, but are insatiably in love with one another. We had both just married, young, and with the wrong people. Our lives now are a night and day difference from what they once were. I’m simultaneously guilt-ridden for what I put my last wife through and eternally grateful that I met my current wife. It has been three years now since we’ve gone public with our relationship, and I’ve never been a happier person.”
“I cheated twice in one week. I have never been that kind of person and the guilt has been eating away at me from the inside out, that’s why I stopped. I have told no one. However I will say it was probably one of my favourite experiences - not the lying or sneaking around but the feeling that SOMEONE wants me.
“I have been married for five years. My husband and I were on drugs when we met so sex was never really a topic or even possible during comedowns. What I thought was love was a confusing flood of emotions while going through detox. After it was over we had a connection that I just couldn’t walk away from and saying ‘I love you’ so many times you start to believe that this is what love is. I rarely get sex and when I do it’s nothing special, I’m always going the extra mile to please him but he does nothing (sexually) for me in return. I get emotionally punished for watching porn. However I’m not going to do anything about it because I HATE confrontation, hate hurting people, will always take someone back even though I know I shouldn’t, afraid of social interaction, I can’t make rent without him.”
“All through college I was crazy for a manager at my part time job. When I was single we hooked up multiple times, but that is all it amounted to. I always wanted more, and stupidly thought some day he would want that, too.
“We became more distant over time although we still worked together and I met this great guy who I really cared about. This new guy and I dated for a while and became exclusive. So when I graduated college I’d been dating this guy for a year. At this time he took a summer internship four hours away (he was a junior). A couple weeks into his internship I quit my part time job as I was starting my new job after graduation. My old manager and I got closer again since I was leaving and I reluctantly agreed to hangout with him.
“I loved my boyfriend but I never fully got over this guy. We had sex. It wasn’t satisfying and I regretted it immediately. Now it’s two years later and I am still with my boyfriend. I’ve never told him and I’ve been completely faithful to him since. It sickens me to know I did that to him. The guilt really gets to me still and I am very much in love with my boyfriend. I know it’s wrong to keep this from him, but I can’t lose him over something I am positive I will never do again. Still doesn’t make it right.”
“Our relationship had been failing for the better part of a year, and in no small part thanks to an unsatisfactory sex life. We would normally go about two weeks in between having sex, and he refused to go down on me, ever. I brought it up and it turned into a massive fight and never improved. Shortly after, I went to see my family in my home state for the holidays and ran into a former flame in a group setting. There was a lot of alcohol involved and we hooked up after leaving the bars.
“My SO and I broke up almost immediately after coming back from the holidays, he doesn’t know that I cheated, but he agreed that we both knew for a while that the relationship was dead. Honestly, if he had cheated in that same time frame, I wouldn’t really blame him. Neither of us were very happy and were both staying in it out of convenience.”
“I stopped because it was too easy to cheat and get away with it. This person trusted me so much and I took advantage of it. It wasn’t fair or right and it made me ultra paranoid that I was going to get caught or that they were cheating as well. The paranoia caused a lot of arguments.
“Eventually the other guy got frustrated because he wanted me to break up with my boyfriend at the time and just be with him but I had my reasons for not wanting to do that. Eventually I cut ties with both and just tried to not date or see anyone for a while.”
- jnm244
“I hated him. But we had a child and I didn’t want her to have a broken family. He made me feel ugly and disgusting. He had no sex drive and made me feel it was my fault, so I cheated to prove a point to myself, that I wasn’t all those things he made me feel. But the one time made me feel worth something and I didn’t feel guilty. So I did it again and again because I just wanted to feel worthy.
“I know now how messed up all that was. But at the time it felt like the only way. I broke up with him 18 months ago and found someone who makes me feel like a million dollars, I couldn’t ever imagine hurting him, but I also learnt from the previous mistakes that I’d never allow anyone to make me feel low enough to go against my morals or to blame myself.
“He never found out and I’ll never tell him.”