We all know there’s only one breakout star item from the Christmas dinner menu that’s worthy of the ’god tier’ status: pigs in blankets.
Traditionally, it’s a chipolata sausage wrapped in streaky bacon, but over the years its repertoire has expanded into veggie and vegan versions. Meat or no meat, they’re still crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside – and Christmas dinner just isn’t complete without these delicious cylindrical little bastards.
But year after year, pig in blanket items seem to be popping up for shock value. Not content with merely wrapping a sausage anymore, other much-loved everyday foodstuffs have been given the porky treatment. Mayonnaise? Spritz some eau de pigs in blanket in there. Noodles? Wrap them up with pigs in blanket. Mac and cheese? Let’s sneak in a little sausage.
As much as we love them, we must ask ourselves – have we reached peak pigs in blankets? We put all the festive culinary pork items to the test and tried them all to find out. Here’s our ranking – from worst to best.
Sainsbury’s Pigs In Blankets Noodles, £1
Rating: -1/5
Reviewed by: Angela Hui, life reporter
If 2020 had a taste, this would be it. A sad grey noodle that tastes of overcompensated sage and nothing else. Texturally, it’s so wrong. It’s far too soft with no bite and it disintegrates whenever I pick it up with my chopsticks. To make this soggy wet strand edible, I add a lot of chilli oil (I mean, a lot) to make it palatable. My recommendation? Go to an Asian supermarket, stock up and buy two packs of instant ramen (for the same price) and treat yourself to the good stuff.
Iceland’s Caroline Reaper Super Spicy Pigs In Blankets, £2 for 12
Rating: 2/5
Reviewed by: Amy Packham, life editor
I can handle spice – but I wouldn’t say I love it. My boyfriend and I cook six spicy pigs, hoping we’ll be able to stomach three each. Alas, I only eat half and he mistakenly eats a whole one. The texture and taste of the pigs in blanket are great, but then the spice hits – and it’s too much. My other half coughs, chokes, gulps down some water, and chugs some milk. I have half a pig and can’t have anymore. I scratch my nose, forgetting my fingers still have spiciness on them. Big mistake. This’d be fun as a novelty present, but I think a lot of people would find these too much. I guess we can’t blame Iceland after all – there’s a caution on the packaging. We end up with a nearly full side plate of them, untouched.
Sainsbury’s Pigs In Blankets Flavour Mayo, 75p
Rating: -2/5
Reviewed by: Angela Hui, life reporter
This bright salmon-coloured congealed blob looks as bad as it tastes. I wince at the strong vinegar scent when I open it. The stench smacks you hard in the face, my poor nose feels bruised. I can tell I’m going to immediately regret putting any of this pungent stuff in my mouth. Taste-wise, it’s overly oily and vinegary, it doesn’t contain any part of the pig and only has a hint of liquid smoke to replicate a fake smokiness. This truly is the stuff of nightmares. When you search the word ‘nightmare’ in the dictionary a picture of this mayo will appear.
Aldi Two-Metre Pig In Blanket Swirl, £4.99
Rating: 2.5/5
Reviewed by: Rachel Moss, life reporter
I expect some sort of giant, comedy sausage to turn up at my door after being assigned Aldi’s two-metre long “socially distanced-compliant” pig in blanket to review. I’m almost disappointed when a neat swirl arrives, but I do wonder if this novelty product could actually make a classy centrepiece. Things go downhill when I cook it. It’s hard to get an even cook on such a dense spiral and the outside layer begins to catch, while the centre remains underdone. Turning the oven down and covering with foil helps, but I take a peek at the underside and decide this baby needs flipping, which (it turns out) is easier said than done, without the spiral unravelling. The end result looks like a sad, slightly burnt snail – I’m choosing to blame the design, rather than my cooking ability. It’s tasty (it’s sausage and bacon, what’s not to love?), but I wouldn’t buy it again – individual PIBs are easier to cook, taste exactly the same and (probably) look better.
Iceland Pigs In Blankets Mac And Cheese, £3
Rating: 2.5/5
Reviewed by: Amy Packham, life editor
I’m a little disappointed to only see four piggies in blankets when I open the meal to put it in the oven – but maybe I’m just a piggie myself. It takes 45 mins to cook from frozen, and the top breadcrumb layer looks so incredibly good, my tummy rumbles. The main event underneath, though – the actual mac and cheese – is pretty bland and not very cheesy. I add (quite a lot of) salt and pepper to give it some flavouring. Still, the pigs in blanket are amazing and go really well with it, I just wish there was more! Have a large festive dessert planned for afters if you’re hungry.
Sainsbury’s Pigs In Blankets Tree Tortillas, £1
Rating: 3/5
Reviewed by: Angela Hui, life reporter
A solid, moreish crisp that makes for an excellent vessel to dunk into other dips. There’s a slight porky taste that’s not too overpowering, with hints of sage and paprika coming through – but add sage to anything and it’ll remind you of sausages. The tree-shaped tortilla is a festive nod to get you in the Christmas party snacking mood, because the sight of a crunchy Nordmann Fir is enough to send anyone crackers for Christmas.
Sainsbury’s Pigs In Blankets Christmas Tree, Taste the Difference, £6.50
Rating: 3/5
Reviewed by: Angela Hui, life reporter
While it certainly looks the part with fresh festive cranberries and rosemary tinsel (their words not mine), it’s a big shame I can’t taste either of those things after cooking. The bacon that’s wrapped around the sausage is doing all of the heavy lifting, giving a lovely dry-cured and smoky flavour, which masks the under-seasoned tree-shaped sausage. The tree shape is cute, but it’s a little gimmicky which makes for uneven cooking where the ends are more frazzled and crispy, but the centre is cooked just right and it’s juicy. It isn’t terrible, but it could be better.
Asda Extra Special Pigs In Blankets Crisps, 85p
Rating: 3/5
Reviewed by: Natasha Hinde, life reporter
I’m actually very excited to try these crisps as I wonder how they’d infuse the flavour of pigs in blankets – which is quite a unique taste – into them. When I bite the first one, I realise I’m basically eating smoky bacon flavoured crisps. I wouldn’t say they’re distinctly pigs in blankets-flavoured, however they are tasty for those who are partial to a bit of smoky bacon.
Asda Candied Pigs In Blankets, £2.25
Rating: 4.5/5
Reviewed by: Natasha Hinde, life reporter
I’m initially sceptical of these because of the term ‘candied’, but they’re actually very delicious. The candied element adds something a bit different to your plain-old pigs in blankets. The sausages, which can be cooked from frozen, come with a sachet of spiced sugar to sprinkle on top before cooking. The effect of the candied sprinkles once you take them out of the oven is almost like honey-glazed ham, but rather a sweetly-glazed bacon wrapping around lovely little sausages. I end up having them as a meal with mash, spring greens, and gravy and it’s incredibly satisfying.