There's a war on.
You might not have noticed, but everything around you is under attack.
The Christmas trees, the carols, the lights, Christmas itself. The enemy? An evil alliance of council officials, health and safety officers, atheists and Guardian-readers who want to ban the whole thing and replace it with a politically-correct celebration called something like Winterfest.
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Needless to say, the BNP and friends are at the forefront of it all, using the phoney war on Christmas to justify this year's downright creepy card.
Fox News tells it like it is: "Once again this holiday season, the right to celebrate Christmas is under attack." Readers are asked to flag up examples where it is happening in their community.
It probably isn't happening in your community, though.
Here are some classics: