How far away it seems already. Those glorious, swollen nine months of twin pregnancy when life was in many, many ways, a whole lot simpler.
My twins are now a year old and although it's flown by, I feel like it has been a very long year. I feel tired to the bone. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I expect to see a corpse like husk, something akin to one of the extras from the Walking Dead, I feel that mangled and tired. So it's actually usually a pleasant surprise to realise I'm still human, even if I do have huge eye bags, dark circles and now walk with a hunched shuffle.
It's all down to looking after other people instead of looking after myself... and that brings me back to the subject of pregnancy. When your whole entire job is to look after yourself so you can nurture that little life (in my case lives) growing inside of you.
I know many twin mums now who would never admit to missing their pregnancy. Twin pregnancies are notoriously difficult to get through. The sickness, the complications, the worry, the insane fighting that goes on inside your stomach as two people wrestle for elbow space... the constant need to wee, the swollen hoo-ha. I'll stop before it gets too intimate. Or maybe it already did...
In any case, missing my pregnancy days is something I'm starting to reflect on more now I'm wondering if I'll ever be pregnant again. We have boy girl twins so do we need to add any one else into our family? We've just about survived the first year so adding more people into the mix isn't top of the list right now. Maybe I will never be pregnant again.
That's a hard thought to stomach. Especially when pregnancy can be so wonderful. (I should prefix this with - A FIRST PREGNANCY - once you have a child and you're pregnant I'm pretty sure you don't get to enjoy pregnancy in quite the same way).
Here's what I'm all misty eyed about..
Being able to sit down anywhere!
People would even move out of their tube seat so I could take it. The next time someone does this for me it will mean I have reached a certain age. And I'll probably resent being offered a seat. When you're preggo, it's like the world has certainly realised you're a bit special. (Shame it doesn't last... I did keep hold of that badge though)...
People happily running around after you and fetching you things.
The midwife telling me (and my husband) that he had to do the hoovering and "treat me like a princess because she is creating two lives" so "you must do the chores" was literally like music to my ears.
Seeing as 96% of motherhood involves cleaning in some way, being able to hand this over for 9 months... well I miss it.
Having an excuse to talk to strangers and tell them something that would make them smile
Yes I'm pregnant.
6 months.
It's twins.
And they're right inside my belly.
Twin pregnancy is an amazing thing and no matter how many twin pregnancies there have been since the dawn of time, it's always, ALWAYS fascinating.
Being able to treat myself to anything I fancied
I miss being able to eat when I wanted to, and indulge my cravings. Joe & the Juice Banana milkshakes mostly....how I miss these.
The feeling of growing two little people inside me and feeling extremely proud of my body
Being pregnant was probably the time of my life when I felt the most body confident and proud of my body. It was changing every day, it was expanding beyond my imagination, but I felt so in awe of the incredible job it was doing, and since then I've had so much more respect for it. I love it more, even if I like it less, if that makes sense. (Mum tums just aren't as sexy, I've said it now so the men don't have to).
Picking ridiculous names
Bertie and Bunty, Georgie and George, Holly and Woody. The amount of time I spent coming up with insane boy girl names for the twins... it was damned good fun.
Feeling them move around
The kicks and pushes and pops. The way my belly would just completely change shape when they moved, it was just amazing. And the nicest thing was knowing my babies were safe inside me, with me at all time (and pretty low maintenance too - I was looking after their every need, even when I was just lying down on the sofa watching Game of Thrones). How easy it was back then!
Spending hours in the bath
Maternity leave counting down to D day was mostly spent bloated in the bath listening to a 20 minute hypnobirthing tape that convinced me my labour must only last as long as the recording... how wrong I was.
Being able to wear skin tight clothes
You can totally rock body con when you're pregnant. Because you have no choice. As soon as your stomach has deflated you'll avoid bodycon dresses like the plague. So yeah, I kinda miss #stylingthebump.
The luscious hair
My hair was SO thick and SO glossy when I was pregnant. I miss that. A lot. Maybe I should have another baby... just to enjoy that kinda volume again.
What do you miss from your pregnant days?