I’ve met Asda Delivery Man, that great big ball of charm who refused to help a desperate (and I don’t use that term lightly) pregnant woman while her toddler sobbed in the background.
Not personally, you understand. I’ve met men who push their way through the crowds on the bus with little to no regard for anyone else. Women who take the last seat in the hospital waiting room or park in a parent and child car space – child free. There are plenty of guys and gals out there who have no care for the state of a woman with child. And enough is enough.
In case you missed it, Amy Natasha Botten, 20, filmed her pleas for help as a grocery delivery man dumped her shopping at the bottom of her stairs, without so much as a carrier, and flatly refused to help, saying: “I’d rather not.” From three storeys up came the cries of her toddler, distressed by Mum’s absence.
The film, which has now been viewed more than a million times on Facebook, is a depressing snapshot of daily life for pregnant women. All too often, the message from society is clear – nobody cares.
Years before I gave birth to my own two children, I was tasked as a journalist with donning a fake bump and taking to the streets of London to see exactly how helpful people really are.
With all three pregnancies, the real ones and the fake, I encountered some truly kind people who went out of their way to smooth my path but sadly, there remain a significant minority who have stuck in my mind for all the wrong reasons.
I wore a “bump on board” badge on the London Underground but it’s all too easy for some people to ignore behind their broadsheet newspapers.
The badge was introduced because it isn’t always obvious when a fellow passenger is pregnant (and none of us want to get that one wrong). But I wore mine on my coat even when I couldn’t even do up the buttons over my huge bump, as back up for when I had to beg – and I mean beg – for a seat.
And that’s simply not acceptable. Why should pregnant women have to rely on generosity and the goodwill of others to keep themselves and their babies safe?
Helping should be mandatory. Quite frankly I don’t care what your personal views about pregnant women are. This is not a debate or a matter of choice. It’s your moral duty to do everything you can to help maintain the health of a woman carrying a child if they cross your path. End of story.
I would hear myself gushing “thank you” to those who offered me a seat. And while politeness is a virtue, and a very British one at that, I feel it’s created a society that sees helping others as a bonus – when it should be the norm.
Seven months’ pregnant, I nearly collapsed from a coughing fit on a packed tube. If I could have got the words out I would have asked for some water. But I couldn’t and not one fellow commuter offered any or even asked if I was OK.
In fact, I saw people recoil and move away rather than help. I was shocked, and it still troubles me to this day. We all like to think that when we really need help someone will do the right thing. But they didn’t. And if people aren’t helping a visibly pregnant woman, who else is also being let down?
As Botten said when she posted her video of the botched delivery: “This shouldn’t be happening to anyone, bad health, lonely and elderly, disabled, pregnant!!”
As both a fake and real mum-to-be, I found teenage boys are the most likely to offer you help and middle aged men and women the worst. Are they harbouring a “you’ve got it easy compared to how we had it” attitude. If so, it sucks.
Every day I see people without kids parked in the parent parking bays – it’s not as taboo as parking in a disabled bay and you won’t get your car clamped. But I’ll never forget the time when I was forced to clamber into my car through the boot when my eight months pregnant self couldn’t fit in between parked cars.
I hadn’t used the parent and child space, because my toddler was at home and it didn’t occur to me I was allowed to. But thanks to the driver of a Focus ST who parked over the bay, that option wasn’t open to me anyway.
And for all those mumbling about how pregnancy is a choice and no one else’s problem, I challenge you to get out of a regular bay with a car seat. To put a baby in a pushchair in the middle of the road because there is no safe space beside the car to do it. And attend to another child at the same time.
These are all fatal accidents waiting to happen and, though it terrifies me to contemplate, an accident is what it will take for people to treat these concessions more seriously.
There should be an on the spot penalty for those who ignore the plight of the gestational – community service as a car seat installer, perhaps, or spending an entire commute in the train toilet so you can really understand what it’s like to travel while feeling you might throw up at any moment.
Better still, if you see a pregnant woman, help her. And don’t do it for thanks. Do it because you should.