Having plundered my way through a handful of internet dates with little success, I think I may have finally found my treasure trove.
For I have discovered a website which features all that I could possibly require in a love match. Namely, a steady supply of burly older men with beards, caps and in some cases, hooks instead of hands. All of them as lovelorn as me, and every last one of them seeking a First Mate.
Like a shipwrecked mariner finally sighting land, I have stumbled upon Sea Captain Date.
Listed as “the only place for Sea Captains to connect with men and women who share a love of the ocean”, Sea Captain Date has been serving the plight of lonely seamen since 2007.
A pledge by CEO Bill Kay reads: “In the unforgiving ocean of love, let us be your lighthouse.”
According to the site’s promotional material, Kay came out of retirement at the age of 86 to throw his lonely seafaring pals a lifeline to guide them through the choppy waters of love.
In 2011 spokesman Brett Smith told the National Enquirer: “It takes a very special woman to understand captains and accept them for who they are.
“If someone comes to our site to make a love connection, then they pretty much know what they’re looking for.”
Basic membership is free, although you must hold a captain’s license and the company will carry out background checks on you.
Some naysayers claim the site is the work of a master joker, but I can tell you I’m sold, hook line and sinker.
Scroll down for the official Sea Captain Date song.