In the three years I've been performing stand-up comedy, I've seen the UK comedy scene experience a bit of a boom. It's probably not a 100% down to me, I'll admit; prime time stand-up shows like Live at The Apollo probably had an effect. A side-effect of this renewed public interest in comedy is that more people than ever are getting involved. Every other new act night I go to seems to have some poor soul vibrating with tension by the bar ahead of their first performance.
If you're reading this, then there's a strong chance you're considering joining their ranks. If so, great! The more the merrier. There are, however, some things you should know. The following is a list of things I wish someone had told me before my first gig:
You need jokes
It seems obvious, doesn't it? But you wouldn't believe the number of new stand-ups I see who don't have anything approaching a joke or even a point to what they're saying. It's true that many stand-ups don't tell jokes per se, but this is a real skill and can take many years to perfect. Eddie Izzards and Michael McIntyres aren't created overnight. You can craft your persona over your next thousand gigs, but right now you need a few solid punch-lines. Natural stand-ups do exist but 99.999% of the time going out there with some 'funny ideas' isn't going to work out well.
You need your own jokes
Do not, do not, do not, do other people's jokes. If you can't come up with your own material, then you're not ready to do this, simple as that. Also, don't fool yourself into thinking that if you change the details then it's a different gag. It isn't, if you have someone else's joke at the back of your mind when you're writing 'your own' joke, you are stealing, stop it.
Aside from the fact that it's wrong, it's stupid, you almost certainly won't get away with it. The chances are that the audience you'll be playing to will be mostly populated by comedians, who tend to be massive comedy nerds, what do you think the chances are that you've heard a joke that they haven't?
Set realistic expectations
You need to be realistic about what's actually going to happen. If you walk on stage secretly expecting to blow the roof off the place then you can only be disappointed. Stand up is hard, much harder than it looks. Whilst you may be hugely funny and have great material, there's a whole lot of technical stuff you don't know yet, so it's unlikely you'll be getting the most out of your set. One solid laugh in five minutes is good, for a first time, it's something to build on. Keep that in mind and you might even enjoy yourself.
If you're good, you're not as good as you think you are
That said, it is possible that it'll go really well. I've seen many new acts have very good first sets, I had one myself, and it's the worst thing that could have happened to me.
Not to rain on the parade, but your 'great first show' is not as much about you and your skills as you might think. Audiences can sense when someone is having a good time onstage, and there's something about the enthusiasm of some new acts that's just infectious. You might, as I did, ride this wave for your first few gigs, you might then, as I did, start believing that you are some kind of comedy genius about to take the industry by storm. Don't do this - you're almost certainly not the Mozart of comedy. Believing you are will just make that inevitable (and it is inevitable) first horrible gig all the worse as you come crashing down to earth with a giant bump...As I did.
Audiences can smell fear
'90% of the craft of comedy is pretending you're not scared' - Marc Maron. This is the single most useful piece of advice I have ever heard about comedy. If you go on stage apprehensive and insecure, how on earth can you expect an audience to trust you? Comedy audiences are not forgiving, at a new act night they're probably not going to heckle or boo, (unless you get really unlucky) but they will switch off if you look like you don't know what you're doing. To begin with you simply have to fake it, go on stage relaxed, composed and prepared and you have the best possible chance of success.